With my dear friend Linsanity's latest woes, I had already started populating my "Letters to Lindsay - version 2.0. I really thought she was going to go back to the slammer, I was uberly excited that this was going to happen because then we could re-ignite the relationship we started over the summer.
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| MISS THIS GIRL! |
I'll be honest once she was sprung from Lynwood, I tried to keep in contact but it was tough because no one would give me her address, she never replied to my tweets, and the impossible happened - I couldn't even get anything out of Michael Lohan's mouth. Then the judge sentenced her to the worst possible thing: rehab until January 3rd 2011.
I thoroughly oppose rehabs, I'm a staunch believer in the old saying "Rehab is for quitters!" I cannot with a clean conscience continually write a daily letter to the Lin-dawg and address it to "Betty Ford Center." It would go against everything I believe in. After much contemplation I have decided to continue my philanthrophy of writing to those in worse situations than me.
One Saturday afternoon while I was debating on whether or not to do laundry or drink some beers I came across a website. This website was WriteAPrisoner.com. After roaming around the site for a couple of hours, I realized that I can more than likely, possibly, definitely make an impact on some of these
prisoners lives, or at least make the time pass faster whether it be towards their release date, or their execution date, either/or whichever is closer. It was hard but I was able to narrow down my choices. Now I would like some opinions on who the lucky one will be, that I will correspond with since LiLo is no longer available.
Turns out you can choose your preferences on what kind of inmate you would like to correspond with.
Clearly my first search was for a caucasian Jewish male age range from 21-30. Good news for the Jews, in the whole country there is only one male Jew registered on the website:
His name is Matthew and he's 27, currently incarcerated in California and is not eligible for parole until Valentine's Day 2036 (how conveinent).
Matty's profile states :
I try to be as carefree as I can, always trying to do fun and exciting things that will put a smile, not just on my face, but the faces of those around me. I love to laugh and joke around with my friends in the hopes of drawing out smiles and laughs. I like and value the company of good friends and all that they bring. I’ve always tended to be real thoughtful and caring of those around me. must be the Cancer in me; although as I’m born on the cusp of Cancer and Leo, besides being caring and thoughtful, I tend to be a decisive person who generally knows what he wants and has no hang ups going for it.
I too love to laugh and joke with my friends. I too am caring and thoughtful (usually towards myself, but hey I'm going to wait for Matt to find that out on his own, I mean we aren't are perfect are we?)
Oh... he is currently serving a life sentence for murder.
I have come to realize finally in my 21st year of life that I am a pretty closed-minded, self-absorbed, shallow person, but I thought with this new adventure I could try to broaden my horizon and taste every color of the rainbow.
soooooo....meet .....
ANDY HUYNH also known as "ASIAN ANDY" to the DEA. (seriously)
Andy seems like a pretty cool guy. He is 28 and currently spending his days behind bars in North Carolina. He loves to laugh and he's a nice guy. I have a strange obsession with cocaine. While I would never try it (I freak out when water accidently gets in my nose in the shower...it happens more often that I would like), I'm fascinated with cocaine jokes and the word 'cokehead'. So it works out perfectly that he is incarcerated for none other than drum rolllllllll:
trafficking cocaine.
word son.
Although in his online profile he has written a couple of lines that make me a little iffy on whether I want our relationship to flourish...
"I’m naughty; but only on the weekend and definitely not while I’m in prison."
Clearly you are naughty...you are in prison...
This quote is the one that really has put me on the fence:
"Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want to see the genie pop out."
What Asian Andy just did here is ruin one of my favorite Disney movies ever. From now on everytime I watch Aladdin and see the Genie, I'm going to think about sex. That is not what Disney is about (even though the Disney Classics are filled with sexual undertones...)
While many of you know my love for everything Jewish is extremely strong, my second love is probably for Hispanics. There were hundreds to go through and I couldn't choose just one, I was torn between two, so here they are.
THIS IS ARTURO
While he is not my typical type of Hispanic, I chose him as a finalist because not only is he Hispanic, but he is Muslim as well. That's two birds with one stone! He is currently serving his time in Illinois until 2059 for murder AND attempted murder. He sounds like a pretty chill guy. He starts everyday with a prayer and a workout. In his spare time he likes to write poetry and compose lyrics. And I'm pretty sure from his musical tastes that he enjoys Selena.
I chose this next candidate, because of his eyes. This is Robert or Roberto:
Sure he is squinting, but there is something soulful in there I can tell. Also I'm really digging his sleeve. The eyebrows don't hurt (love the thick eyebrows...hence Joe Jonas). Robbie is 26 and has been on death row since 2003 (right about the time he should have been graduating high school). He is currently part of the movement that is trying to abolish the death penalty (I wanna say the reason for this is a little selfish, but hey...I'm not going to assume a thing). But I should mention he is on death row in Texas...so...uh good luck with that one. There isn't much on his profile that tells me about his personality, so clearly I'm going on looks alone on this one.
Finally..herrrreeeee's Johnny:
Johnny chilling in Texas is a candidate for a couple of reasons; he was born on November 23rd, I was born on the 24th, we are both Sagittarius. He gets released in 2020 which reminds me of the show.
"The artists who inspire him": Nickleback, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, 50 Cent, Metallica...
We may have beef because of Metallica, everyone knows they banned me from Napster when I was in 9th grade and have not been able to let it go.
What does Johnnny look for in a friend?
"Adventurous in more ways than one."
Johnny killed someone.
So who should I write?
Thanks for this Lindsay.
