I'm Serious. I'm Kidding.

If there ever comes the day that people can run for the position of head of a TV network, color this my first campaign speech and promise for change. Hopefully my following introductory speech sounds as eloquent as the words of another powerful African American who I daily strive to be like and can only hope to one day achieve to be…Olivia Pope. One love gurrlllll, one love. What are Nielsen ratings? To me, they don't seem like those weird decimal numbers about rating/share, they just sound like numerical ratings of Lesile Nielsen movies, with   Naked Gun 33 1/3  coming in at number one. Brace yourself. Here we go... Helloooo America! Ponder this. What are Nielsen boxes? Who have Nielsen boxes? To those who have Nielsen boxes, will any of you step forward to admit it? I’ve never heard someone say/tweet/blog/Facebook the phrase, “Hey, I have a Nielsen box.”  You Google these questions and the majority of what pops up is people who have   had  a Nielsen box, but ...

Can you laugh at least one of these quotes? " Ah yeah David, I did take a whore's bath, okay? I had a one night stand and didn't have time to shower. So did I rub some dryer sheets on my pits and throw  some water on my hush at Au Bon Pain? Yes I did." "Every group needs a Dave, like Dave Matthews band...y eah,  like  in  Dave Matthews Band ,  Carter Beauford  is the  Dave !" "Okay, so if I take Tuesday before Monday, I'll die instantly..." "He's talking about his Batman and Throbbin'." "You absolutely know where Michigan is, you were an extra in '8 Mile'." "No I'm not pretending I'm pregnant anymore. This is not eighth grade gym class." " Quaint. Isn't that the space between a gal's goal and her penalty box?" “If you wanna know what else is gay go to  www.whatisgay.biz . I tried to get .gov but it was taken.” If you did, read on, it you can't get off...

I’ve shied away from quoting Sarah Silverman to people, I quote Amy Schumer now...to people who have never even heard her jokes or of her. Okay, okay I may have exaggerated; I could NEVER shy away from quoting a Sarah Silverman joke. “He needs to learn to love himself, before I can stop hating his people.” Why would I quote Amy Schumer to someone who is completely oblivious to her existence on planet earth, you ask? Because she deserves to be known, she’s a funny chick. I enjoy spreading the word of laughter. I’d like to think of myself as a disciple of comedy. (Not Judas, nor Peter). So here I am today to list some of the funny females in my life right now. Some are more well known than others, but each of them need to be even better known. Why is this list composed of only girls you ask? Well maybe it’s because I’m jealous that they are so funny and I want to be a funny comedian girl like they all are, whether it be on the internet, TV, or standup. The problem with th...