I'm Serious. I'm Kidding.

It’s been seven years, seven years people; the gum I swallowed back in 2005 has left my body, the dogs born in 2005 are now 49 years old.    A Pope somewhere in one of those foreign speaking countries died.   Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton had a fight that forever changed the landscape of their friendship.   I don’t think I’ve brought any of these things up since 2005, maybe early 2006.   Why are we still heavily discussing J versus A?   And why do we keep pitting two of the most polar opposite people against each other? These women are like night and day.   Jennifer’s boldest and most controversial move was chopping her hair off for season seven of Friends.   Angelina’s is a real tossup between French kissing her brother at the Oscars, in front of the world, or wearing Billy Bob’s blood around her neck.   The only things these two have in common are famous dads, easy to pronounce last names and Brad Pitt that is it. I have a strong...

Think of this as my "immediate wants" I want to be...  ...that football.    ...that little puggie with the Ray Bans.   ...that basketball.  ...that water, seeping through his clothes onto his skin.   ...that pocket on his pec.   ...that parking meter.   ...that pitstain.   ...that tattoo.   ...the air directly above him.    ...the air directly below him.   ...the turtle from that turtleneck.   ...Tom Hanks. I love you Zac Efron...    from Summerland...                                                                     ...

Another installment of this is why I am who I am This Traumatized Me, More Than It Traumatized the Three of You. For the majority of us that pursue our parents dream of  their child obtaining a higher education, the time spent in college is a learning experience. In no way am I talking educational wise.  I have two degrees and all I retained from them is knowing the 4th, 5th, 6th and 8th amendments from one degree and oral fixation vs. anal retentiveness from another. Fine. I only remember the 5th amendment and I only know about oral fixation because I have it. (Get your mind out of the gutter. Oh, it’s just my mind?) For many, college is a learning experience in the way that you learn a lot about yourself, who you are, what you want etc. That was not my experience. My experience consisted of drinking a lot and sleeping a lot. Note: While I very much condone college binge drinking. If I can give one piece of advice to those i...

All That - awesome  The Amanda Show - splendid She's the Man - good stuff What I Like About You - Jennie Garth and the gorge Nick Zano - enough said. Most of you know my disdain for Amanda Bynes.  I've always, always been a fan of her work, and then she joined Twitter and whatever work she had done to win me over (which wasn't a lot, she's a funny chick) was washed away.  It took me nine months to unfollow her, afraid that if I unfollowed, I would miss something spectacular.  I don't even have an example of what I would think I would miss, shame on me.  Evenutally, A. Bynes deleted her Twitter, I assumed because she had gotten so much hate @replies because of her dumb tweets.  Then she came back. I checked, still dumb and proceeded to go on with my life. Then on  April 6th, 2012, this happened: copyright Perez Hilton I should clarify to you all, Amanda's hair is not pink. It's lilac.  How do I know you ask?  Here's a hint:...