A Lunch Story

At around 11:30 AM PST on May 28, 2015, I had a sudden urge to get sushi for lunch.  I then remembered that there was this salmonella outbreak happening with raw tuna. This was followed by a strict decision made by my cautious side to only order salmon and yellowtail based items. Sadly crab is not a choice for me because I’m allergic.*

*there are a few friends out there that don’t believe me, and I so badly and will one day eat a bunch of crab just to prove them wrong, because that’s the type of person I am.

I quickly took back my responsible decision because I just had to get the Jalapeno Bomb. What’s that you ask? Well I will tell you what it’s not, it’s not a terrorist attack, in fact if we gave terrorists these Jalapeno Bombs instead of just dropping bombs, the world would be a better place** A Jalapeno Bomb is spicy tuna and cream cheese put into a jalapeno that is then deep fried, cut into quarters and topped with delicious eel sauce. An orgasm in your mouth if you must.


**that hasn’t been scientifically proven, just speculation for the time being
At 11:53 AM I sent out the following tweet:

 I wanted this out in the world in case something had happened, I wanted people to know I died eating what I loved... 

(there’s a dirty joke set up for you, don’t make me do all the work)

So here, for your reading entertainment… (because lunch somehow, somewhere became a way to brag about the façade of a life you portray online)...a timeline of, my process, my thoughts, and my overall mental state before, during and after my lunch…

Please enjoy....

A SUSHILINE

12:01 PM: hopped on to the greatest app ever Eat24, hit up my sushi joint, clicked menu…

12:02 PM: edamame entered into cart

12:03 PM: finger hovered over salmon collar, because last time I got it there were bones and I didn’t appreciate it, because my other sushi spot never has bones in the collar when I order from them

12:07 PM: finger still hovering;

Internal Conversation

“It’s so good though, you’ll risk salmonella poisoning, but not having to pull a bone out of your mouth, Chandra??”

“Uh, I’m a single 30 year old girl, choking on a bone is the leading cause of death amongst me and my peers. We aren’t getting it.”

(another dirty joke set up for you... YOU ARE WELCOME)

12:08-09 PM: continued internal struggle

12:10 PM: I win, and we continue to scroll down to rolls. I click salmon skin

12:11 PM: I stare at my Sophie’s Choice; cut roll or hand roll

12:13 PM: I feel wild and crazy today, I go for two hand rolls

12:13:32 PM: scroll down to specialty rolls, click Jalapeno Bomb with reckless abandon

12:14 PM: I continue to checkout, , choose pick up, continue to payment, select payment, hit submit order, it loads…

12:15 PM: I get an error about payment, I go to resubmit, but the cart is empty, so I go back to the menu and repeat, submit order, it loads again, get same error

12:16 PM: I check my bank account, I know I have money in it, I'm learning to be better with money and more frugal…example: I could have gotten 2 more salmon skin rolls… easily

12:16:42 PM: the money is in the account

12:17 PM: I check my email, I have two confirmation orders from Eat24, ut oh…

12:18 PM: I hop back into my Eat24 app hit “message Eat24” “Hi, I accidentally submitted my order twice”

12:19 PM: “We have received your message and we know you are hungry (so are we!), we will get you as soon as possible”

12:19: 36 PM:
Internal Thought
Is this automated answering robot machine making a joke?

12:20 PM ...

12:21 PM ...
12:22 PM ...
12:23 PM ...

12:24 PM:
Jessyca: Hi there!

Chandra: Ahhh you spell your name with a “y” your childhood must have been a tough one, huh?
Jessyca: Not a problem, we’ll make sure just to send in the one order.                   
Chandra: Awesome. Thanks so much
Jessyca:  Anytime.

12:30 PM: I head out, take the scenic route because it’s too early for my food to be ready

12:35 PM: I already missed the Farmers Market? That was the Farmers Market right?

12:37 PM: Omg there’s a pierogi food truck down the street?! Seriously? I have never seen that truck around here before

12:39 PM: I am very angry that I didn’t see that truck before I ordered my lunch, very angry

12:40 PM: The cashier girl recognizes me because I frequent here often, she hands me my food and says “I only put in one set of chopsticks, is that okay?”

12:40:20 PM: Being the quick witted, sharp gal I am, I reply “Oh. Yeah. Totally. All for me today.”

12:40:45 PM:
Internal mental notes

Wait, why does she think I’m the only one eating this? Or wait is this the first time I’ve ordered the normal amount of food for one person to consume

12:41 PM: Leave the store and have a realization, It makes me uncomfortable when people I don’t know or really know recognize me. This is why I frequent 8 different 7-11’s on the regular basis. When a cashier gets too chummy, it's like peeeeeeeeeeeacceeeeee!

12:43 PM:
Mental Near an Epiphany Thought
 I really love anonymity… oh wait, but…I…but I really do enjoy it… ohhhh thissss is interesting...

12:50 PM: I finally sit down to enjoy,  I open the bag...

12:51 PM: What’s in this cup? Sriracha? They never give me Sriracha. What is happening. One set of chopsticks? Sriracha sauce? I DON’T LIKE CHANGE. My anxiety is spiking. You know what? Looking at it... it may not be too bad on the Jalapeno Bomb (JB)

12:52 PM: What should I eat first? Obvi I save the edamame for last. It’s like when someone you know or you know someone who knows someone who runs on a treadmill then does a cool down, edamame is my cool down.

12:52:43 PM: I know, I’ll alternate between the JB and SS

12:54 PM: BUT FIRST, let me take a quirky pic of me holding the salmon skin roll to post to Instagram with the caption being something along the lines of how badass I am eating a hand roll instead of my typical cut rolls

12:55-1:15 PM: what happened here is NSFW, I will tell you... it was a sight…

1:16 PM: One bite of the JB left, shit I forget to try it with the Sriracha

1:16:25 PM: I dip the remaining bite into the cup, then put it in my mouth

1:16:43 PM: MULTIPLE ORGASMS

1:16:59 PM: I think I like Sriracha now, but not in the crazy person or hipster way, like in the way where every once in a while I could go for it. I mean come on it’s not like its mayonnaise pe he pe he

1:17-29 PM: eat every last edamame in the container

1:29:15 PM:
Internal mental note

I can’t believe this edamame is still warm, I don’t know how this place accomplishes that with just foil, amazing. If I were a Yelper, this establishment would be so lucky

1:30 PM: OH! Gotta post to Instagram, can’t forget that.

1:31 PM: ...
1:32 PM: ...
1:33 PM: ...

 

1:34 PM: Is that pierogi truck still outside?