The Dangers Of....

Recently I have come across something which in my eyes is already a pandemic in our country or maybe just in my apartment. It is worse than swine flu, but better than texting and driving, yet equal to self mutilation (razor blades only). It’s called Drinking While Watching Infomercials (DWWI).

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For so long I only thought as the infomercial to be somewhat of entertaining programming for the insomniacs and night time security guards. Well this past month something has happened. These infomercials are just as sneaky and conniving as the credit card companies that up your interest rate to 30% just because you haven’t paid a monthly payment in 9 months.

You take your average young adult American who may or may not have an issue with drinking and have them turn on the boob tube at 2:00 am in the morning and these are some of the things that a person who is writing this blog may or may not have purchased while under the influence.

The Pillow Pet.

This purchase was solely based on the fact the jingle is amazing. And perhaps to fill the void of my dog who is back east more than likely making love to my mother daily.

The song that changed my life:

It’s a pillow…

It’s a pet…

It’s a pillow pet.

My honest review of this item…it is just a pillow...not a pet.

The Shake Weight.

My analytical review?   All it did was shake MY weight and not in a good way.

The Instyler.

The Instyler is a rotating iron for your hair. Watching this amazing invention do its magic is mesmerizing. They have someone on the screen with straight up Don King hair. Next thing you know the chick looks like she just had a keratin hair treatment. The best part was you get the iron, a thick toothed comb, a stand, and like a DVD all for only $14.99 plus shipping. Woooowwww. Their next statement is what sold me, which to this day I still don’t understand why. The TV told me that if I acted right then I would get a second Instyler for free! Why would I need two? Maybe if I had four hands it would have made more sense, but I don’t, I only have two. The logical part of my brain which was now soaked with a 12 pack of Miller Lite told me “hey kid you are beating the system, do it….do it.” I did think that hey two straighteners for 15 bucks plus shipping is what? 3.95? (so I thought) was pretty legit. Then there was all the fine print on the bottom of the screen that even a superhero with x-ray vision couldn’t even read. I completed my order and went to bed with the spins. I awoke the next morning (thank you God) to an email detailing my purchase. The price was in fact $14.99, with a $19.99 shipping and handling fee, and three more payments of $39.99. I could say that they never said anything in the commercial about the three easy (really? easy for who?) payments, but that would be like me saying my marriage in Vegas to Fernando from Guatemala was valid even though there were two bottles of McCormick’s Vodka and eight lines of coke…each. Low and behold the Instyler came, it was nothing like the what they did on TV, and I am calling to return it…today actually.

Maybe my next drunk infomercial buy will be one of those kids overseas for fifteen cents...