I'm Serious. I'm Kidding.

At around 11:30 AM PST on May 28, 2015, I had a sudden urge to get sushi for lunch.   I then remembered that there was this salmonella outbreak happening with raw tuna. This was followed by a strict decision made by my cautious side to only order salmon and yellowtail based items. Sadly crab is not a choice for me because I’m allergic.* * there are a few friends out there that don’t believe me, and I so badly and will one day eat a bunch of crab just to prove them wrong, because that’s the type of person I am. I quickly took back my responsible decision because I just had to get the Jalapeno Bomb. What’s that you ask? Well I will tell you what it’s not, it’s not a terrorist attack, in fact if we gave terrorists these Jalapeno Bombs instead of just dropping bombs, the world would be a better place** A Jalapeno Bomb is spicy tuna and cream cheese put into a jalapeno that is then deep fried, cut into quarters and topped with delicious eel sauce. An orgasm in your ...

Hey ther-- wait, what is this? This feels weird. Blank page...blinking line...my fingers on the "home keys" It's been a while. You guys have no idea what a labor of love it was to find this. I forgot my password...blog url... name of this blog.  Here are a few of the names I searched that I thought I had named this blog: Are You Serious? Is This a Joke Being Super Serious Life's A Joke Life's Serious You're a Joke What's Your Life About Go Home After many "password incorrect" notices, and a few verification code texts sent to my phone...I was finally able to hop on to this bad boy. I think this will now turn into a space where I just let it all out; the frustrations, the rants and the self righteous indignations of everything I believe. This blog will now be known as SERIOUS... HEART ATTACK SERIOUS Let's goooooooooooo.... Ever since Harrison Ford crashed his plane way back when a few hours ago, my brain has been on overd...

Favorite line: "It was a run by fruiting." The strangest thing. For about two weeks now, I had wanted to write a post on here. Instead of just writing and seeing what came out, I was in the mindset that something will come to me and that'll be my first blog since May, and clearly that wasn't working until today. This is not going to be a funny post, this is not going to be edited*, this is just a written  stream of   consciousness about something that I may have just  realized today... is something I may be really passionate about that isn't superficial like my YouTube views, the best kind of cheese, or pop culture. And I know this is probably going to be a super long thing which is not what our society likes today. We like lists. If it's not a list, we leave it alone and move on to  something that is a list. If you are looking for a list, go ahead and leave, it's cool, I won't hold it against you. I probably would've done the same. *I will t...

(I feel like linking that title to this post has set the civil rights movement back like 83 years. Sorry MK. Yeah I call him Martin King, because we be close, we be close) Anyway I don’t dream too often, and when I do they aren’t of much substance, I don’t think. I usually don’t remember them. I think my dreams are pretty typical. I have the random people hanging out dreams, then I have the good, happy dreams that you wake up too early from and try to go back to sleep because you are convinced that your brain just hit the pause button and it will resume, but it doesn’t. Instead you have this nightmare where someone is in your bedroom and they are about to shave your head with a sharp knife. You abruptly wake up to find that you are now in a waking dream and you can feel the assailant laying on top of you and you try to get up but your entire body is literally paralyzed, you feel him stroke your head with the knife once before you regain control of your body. You stay up the re...

Yo, first off… Solange, Beyoncé and Jay-Z though? RAVE. Beyoncé stole that show. SASHA FIERCE? MORE LIKE SASHA FEARS! Boom. Here until death.   What was that, though? I’ll tell you what it was. It was probably the best thing that will happen to me in the next two weeks. If didn’t know any better I’d think they were coming down from the 278th floor. That was the longest elevator ride ever. Things I learned from the video:  1. Jay-Z is a true gentleman for not hitting back  2. Beyoncé is scared of Solange  3. I’m scared of Solange  I’m a not member of the Church of Mr. & Mrs. Carter like the rest of the world seems to be, but I’m seriously looking into joining now. I AM BUYING ALL OF THEIR ALBUMS EVER RELEASED. Even Solange’s… JUST KIDDING SOLANGE! I WILL BUY YOURS FIRST, gurlllllll! Don’t hurt me.   Okay here we go rants and raves.  I haven’t written any of them down, they’ve just been swirling in my head so, ...

I’m headed back east for a girlfriend’s wedding this week (surprise, surpriseeee)* * This is what I hear from every single person I tell  why I’m headed home to South Jersey.   I decided to take a couple extra days off to hang out with my mother. She has no idea that I’m in another wedding, nor that I’m headed home (DON’T TELL HER!!!!)  She’s going to be so surprised… first off because I plan on calling her and having a conversation while I’m pulling up to the house and secondly because my friend is super selfish and decided to have her wedding the weekend before Mother’s Day. I may or may not show up with flowers, because let’s all be honest…my present to my mom is basically and should always be … just my presence… but here for your knowledge is my itinerary of Chandra and Cornelia’s Six Days ‘O Fun.** Wednesday 4/30 -   5:55 PM (approximately) —Surprise her… if she doesn’t stroke out because the last time I surprised her for Mother’s Day it looked...

Today was a day.  Let's just start. DIRECTIONS I am horrible at directions. Horrible. Taking them, following them, telling them. Every single time I step out of the elevator to go to my office I turn the wrong way, without fail. It's almost like a Derek Zoolander can't turn left type of issue. Although I will admit that 87% of the time I push the elevator button I always stand at the elevator bank that opens. I'm an idiot savant like that. *wink, fist to chin* Today I had an 1 PM work appointment in downtown LA. I was told which underground garage to park in but not what building to go to. I got there with 15 minutes to spare. I then proceeded to get lost in the parking garage...for 10 minutes. I couldn't reach surface for the life of me. I somehow ended up two levels lower than from where I parked. I kept following signs for the elevator and escalators but it seemed that there were in fact no elevators or escalators. I blacked out and somehow finally reached...