I'm Serious. I'm Kidding.

Author's note #1 - I started writing this on my phone, in a room surrounded by guns. Seriously. Dem tiny Derringers doe.  Kewt. Author's note 2 - some of my best friends and favorite people have guns. I think that needs to be stated. This blog is really just kind of turning into my very own little morbid place on the internet. It seems I’m rarely here and when I am all I feel compelled to write about is death and guns. I miss writing my letters to Lindsay Lohan. I don’t know if you heard about the story about the a local news reporter and camaraman  from Virginia that were shot and killed on live TV this morning. I also  don’t know if you saw the video, but I did, and I can only describe it as….umm… a mind fuck? It was a surreal, super unfathomable thing and I'm sure so MUCH more so for the victims and their families. First, you're like whoa, they were so young, their poor families have to go through this, their co-workers had to go on with the news after see

Law. Hey, hi…it’s your birthday today.  And I’m writing this to you.  My favorite thing is when people ask me to make them a video or write something for their birthday, but you didn’t do that, did you? Oh yeah, you did. Months ago.   Before we start though…are you sitting down? In your living room? Maybe get up and walk to your backyard…I’ll wait. Still waiting… You didn’t do it did you? Well this is awkward.  Just standing here… Okay, let’s just get into this, you wanted me to make a list of 30 favorite memories. So like they have to be joint memories? They can’t be like the time you gave birth to Peyton and I held my first newborn ever, or the time John and I laid together in bed? This list can’t be about me, huh? Rather it should be about you…or maybe we can compromise and I can make it about us. We compromise a lot in this friendship. I accept that you watch weird horrible reality, and you accept that one day you will give up, leave John and the kids and I

At around 11:30 AM PST on May 28, 2015, I had a sudden urge to get sushi for lunch.   I then remembered that there was this salmonella outbreak happening with raw tuna. This was followed by a strict decision made by my cautious side to only order salmon and yellowtail based items. Sadly crab is not a choice for me because I’m allergic.* * there are a few friends out there that don’t believe me, and I so badly and will one day eat a bunch of crab just to prove them wrong, because that’s the type of person I am. I quickly took back my responsible decision because I just had to get the Jalapeno Bomb. What’s that you ask? Well I will tell you what it’s not, it’s not a terrorist attack, in fact if we gave terrorists these Jalapeno Bombs instead of just dropping bombs, the world would be a better place** A Jalapeno Bomb is spicy tuna and cream cheese put into a jalapeno that is then deep fried, cut into quarters and topped with delicious eel sauce. An orgasm in your mouth if

Hey ther-- wait, what is this? This feels weird. Blank page...blinking line...my fingers on the "home keys" It's been a while. You guys have no idea what a labor of love it was to find this. I forgot my password...blog url... name of this blog.  Here are a few of the names I searched that I thought I had named this blog: Are You Serious? Is This a Joke Being Super Serious Life's A Joke Life's Serious You're a Joke What's Your Life About Go Home After many "password incorrect" notices, and a few verification code texts sent to my phone...I was finally able to hop on to this bad boy. I think this will now turn into a space where I just let it all out; the frustrations, the rants and the self righteous indignations of everything I believe. This blog will now be known as SERIOUS... HEART ATTACK SERIOUS Let's goooooooooooo.... Ever since Harrison Ford crashed his plane way back when a few hours ago, my brain has been on overd