Interviewed.
I asked a few of my friends a question; “If you had to interview me, what would you ask me?”
Let’s start this off with one of the questions I was actually asked:
Why are you making me interview you?
I was tired of getting drunk and interviewing myself. There have been many times after a night of drinking where I would pretend I was on Letterman or Craig Ferguson and being interviewed. I got tired of interviewing myself, so I figured, "hey let me get drunk and then answer questions my friends asked me." So here we go, legitimate questions from friends, and honest answers.
Its obvious from your inability to read social cues and your lack of empathy for others, that you have Asperger's Syndrome. How has that empowered you throughout life?
Well it’s certainly something that I don’t define myself by. It also helps that I don’t have Aspergers, but some people think I do, so when I say something inappropriate I and they both can blame it not only “on the alcohol”, but the Aspergers as well.
What was a defining moment in your life and why?
Losing my virginity, not only did it help elevate my abandonment and trust issues, it basically foreshadowed how my 20s were and still are being lived. What a glorious time.
What is your favorite salad dressing? (this was asked by two different people)
Balsamic vinaigrette.
Do you wish you would of went to law school after college?
No. I think, at the time I wanted to do that, it was to seem like I was a productive member of society, but it would have never made me happy. I work with lawyers now sometimes, and I would not want their job, even though they drive some sweets Jags and Beemers.
What do you know about your biological father?
Apparently his name was JC (I wish Chasez), and he was a very nice guy (and this was according to my very judgmental, racist mother). On the other side, I do know MY DAD was an awesome guy who let me sit on his lap as he read Sesame Street books to me until he was gunned down in a drug deal gone wrong. Kidding - it was cancer.
Do you think you are going places with your future?
Honestly, I hope so, but I’m not too sure.
If u were a tree or animal what kind would u be?
I would be a dog, they live the dream. Tree, I would be a palm tree, they make it seem like anything is possible.
If you had 6 months to live what would u do?
Go to Greece, do a stand up open mic and throw myself at Zac Efron.
How long does it take u to listen to a voicemail? Like who leaves vms?
My mom leaves me voicemails, usually a minute to a minute and 45 seconds. Also my college loan people do, I just delete those.
Would you rather have alopecia (not ever allowed to wear wigs or headscarves because your highly allergic to both) or wear Crocs the rest of your life?
Definitely Crocs, and I would always wear wide leg pants to hide them.
Who's the funniest person u know?
Amy Reed.
How many kids do u want n what will u name them?
Either none, or 3, Tristan, Luke and Max are all up there.
If you had to give mouth to mouth to a person with herpes all over their lips or a person who clearly does not have good oral hygiene with one snaggle tooth that’s sure to touch your tongue which would you save? (You are a sick, sick person Leanna)
I would probably let both of them die. No, if I had to, I would go with the snaggle tooth. My daily alcohol intake would help sterilize and forget what had just happened.
Who would you rather be friends with LC or Jen Aniston?
LC, I mean they both frequent Cabo often, but I feel Lauren is much more grounded than Jen.
One thing u just can't throw out?
My Neumann College navy blue sweatpants, legs are ripped and there’s a hole in the crotch that would make a horse seem small...
Who would be your lover Ron Burgundy or Borat?
Ron Burgundy. He would storm my castle on his steed, I don’t truly understand it, but I feel like that would be a very good time.
If you could pick any piece of memorabilia, but only one, from your childhood, what would it be and why?
I had a kiddie mug that had a cartoon on it about stranger danger and what to do with when it happens. My mom uses it as key holder now in case she locks herself out of the house, or when I come home drunk and don’t have a key. It made me feel grown up when she would drink her morning coffee and I would drink my orange juice in it.
(don't rob my mother!)
Favorite celebrity? Most hated?
I think my favorite celebrity is Selena Gomez. Most hated, Heidi and Spencer.
Ur favorite moment from college?
The feeling that it would last forever.
Best part of living on ur own?
Not getting yelled at to get out of bed because it’s 1 in the afternoon.
If you could kill someone who would it be and why? (real, non-fictional person, but they can be dead or alive)
(disclaimer I would NEVER kill anyone)
If I said Hitler, that would directly change my entire life, so I will say Chris Brown. He just keeps messing up and then attacks the people “haters” that go after him instead of him owning up to his shit and being like “yeah I did this, my bad, I'M SORRY.”
Why are you in debt?
Student loans and my impulsive nature.
What's the best thing you ever stole from a store?
Wildberry lip balm from Bath and Body Works. It tasted so good, and lasted so long.
How old were you when you found out Santa wasn't real? And how'd it happen?
I don’t really remember getting the sit-down, but I think I was pretty young. After my dad was killed by Mike Myers... my mom became kind of a realist. I think instead of writing “Santa” on the cards, she just started writing “Mom”. Maybe I was seven?
(my dad wasn't killed by Mike Meyers... it was cancer)
What would your life be like if you didn't have Twitter, Facebook, etc? Do you think you would actually do work at your job?
I would definitely either be more productive (not work wise) or watch more Netflix. As much as I’m on these sites, I do actually get the work I need to get done.
Do you pride yourself on being such an asshole?
I think I do. I think I’m an asshole when I need to be, whether it be to put a fellow asshole in check, or to get a laugh, but I usually try not to do so maliciously, although sometimes it comes off that way.
I know you want to be a writer. What would your ultimate goal be and how do you see that happening?
My ultimate pipe dream right now would be to live tweet a TV episode I wrote. How do I see it happening? Just keep writing.
Ever give someone your wrong name or phone number?
Once or twice I changed an 8 to a 7, usually I give my number because I’m afraid they will call it as soon as I give it to them and that would become awkward for everyone involved.
Describe yourself in one word.
Layered.
If you could say one sentence to Selena and one sentence to Yolanda, what would those sentences be? (courtesy of Jillian Hibbs)
To Selena - I want you to know that you have left such a legacy on this world, even 17 years after you left, you are still thought of daily.
To Yolanda - Why the fuck...?!
(Jill’s one sentence for to Yolanda was “Yolanda, you are a piece of shit and I hope you burn in Satan’s asshole”)
Last question. Are you following me?!
Not as much as you are following me.
Let’s start this off with one of the questions I was actually asked:
Why are you making me interview you?
I was tired of getting drunk and interviewing myself. There have been many times after a night of drinking where I would pretend I was on Letterman or Craig Ferguson and being interviewed. I got tired of interviewing myself, so I figured, "hey let me get drunk and then answer questions my friends asked me." So here we go, legitimate questions from friends, and honest answers.
Its obvious from your inability to read social cues and your lack of empathy for others, that you have Asperger's Syndrome. How has that empowered you throughout life?
Well it’s certainly something that I don’t define myself by. It also helps that I don’t have Aspergers, but some people think I do, so when I say something inappropriate I and they both can blame it not only “on the alcohol”, but the Aspergers as well.
What was a defining moment in your life and why?
Losing my virginity, not only did it help elevate my abandonment and trust issues, it basically foreshadowed how my 20s were and still are being lived. What a glorious time.
What is your favorite salad dressing? (this was asked by two different people)
Balsamic vinaigrette.
Do you wish you would of went to law school after college?
No. I think, at the time I wanted to do that, it was to seem like I was a productive member of society, but it would have never made me happy. I work with lawyers now sometimes, and I would not want their job, even though they drive some sweets Jags and Beemers.
What do you know about your biological father?
Apparently his name was JC (I wish Chasez), and he was a very nice guy (and this was according to my very judgmental, racist mother). On the other side, I do know MY DAD was an awesome guy who let me sit on his lap as he read Sesame Street books to me until he was gunned down in a drug deal gone wrong. Kidding - it was cancer.
Do you think you are going places with your future?
Honestly, I hope so, but I’m not too sure.
If u were a tree or animal what kind would u be?
I would be a dog, they live the dream. Tree, I would be a palm tree, they make it seem like anything is possible.
If you had 6 months to live what would u do?
Go to Greece, do a stand up open mic and throw myself at Zac Efron.
How long does it take u to listen to a voicemail? Like who leaves vms?
My mom leaves me voicemails, usually a minute to a minute and 45 seconds. Also my college loan people do, I just delete those.
Would you rather have alopecia (not ever allowed to wear wigs or headscarves because your highly allergic to both) or wear Crocs the rest of your life?
Definitely Crocs, and I would always wear wide leg pants to hide them.
Who's the funniest person u know?
Amy Reed.
How many kids do u want n what will u name them?
Either none, or 3, Tristan, Luke and Max are all up there.
If you had to give mouth to mouth to a person with herpes all over their lips or a person who clearly does not have good oral hygiene with one snaggle tooth that’s sure to touch your tongue which would you save? (You are a sick, sick person Leanna)
I would probably let both of them die. No, if I had to, I would go with the snaggle tooth. My daily alcohol intake would help sterilize and forget what had just happened.
Who would you rather be friends with LC or Jen Aniston?
LC, I mean they both frequent Cabo often, but I feel Lauren is much more grounded than Jen.
One thing u just can't throw out?
My Neumann College navy blue sweatpants, legs are ripped and there’s a hole in the crotch that would make a horse seem small...
Who would be your lover Ron Burgundy or Borat?
Ron Burgundy. He would storm my castle on his steed, I don’t truly understand it, but I feel like that would be a very good time.
If you could pick any piece of memorabilia, but only one, from your childhood, what would it be and why?
I had a kiddie mug that had a cartoon on it about stranger danger and what to do with when it happens. My mom uses it as key holder now in case she locks herself out of the house, or when I come home drunk and don’t have a key. It made me feel grown up when she would drink her morning coffee and I would drink my orange juice in it.
(don't rob my mother!)
Favorite celebrity? Most hated?
I think my favorite celebrity is Selena Gomez. Most hated, Heidi and Spencer.
Ur favorite moment from college?
The feeling that it would last forever.
Best part of living on ur own?
Not getting yelled at to get out of bed because it’s 1 in the afternoon.
If you could kill someone who would it be and why? (real, non-fictional person, but they can be dead or alive)
(disclaimer I would NEVER kill anyone)
If I said Hitler, that would directly change my entire life, so I will say Chris Brown. He just keeps messing up and then attacks the people “haters” that go after him instead of him owning up to his shit and being like “yeah I did this, my bad, I'M SORRY.”
Why are you in debt?
Student loans and my impulsive nature.
What's the best thing you ever stole from a store?
Wildberry lip balm from Bath and Body Works. It tasted so good, and lasted so long.
How old were you when you found out Santa wasn't real? And how'd it happen?
I don’t really remember getting the sit-down, but I think I was pretty young. After my dad was killed by Mike Myers... my mom became kind of a realist. I think instead of writing “Santa” on the cards, she just started writing “Mom”. Maybe I was seven?
(my dad wasn't killed by Mike Meyers... it was cancer)
What would your life be like if you didn't have Twitter, Facebook, etc? Do you think you would actually do work at your job?
I would definitely either be more productive (not work wise) or watch more Netflix. As much as I’m on these sites, I do actually get the work I need to get done.
Do you pride yourself on being such an asshole?
I think I do. I think I’m an asshole when I need to be, whether it be to put a fellow asshole in check, or to get a laugh, but I usually try not to do so maliciously, although sometimes it comes off that way.
I know you want to be a writer. What would your ultimate goal be and how do you see that happening?
My ultimate pipe dream right now would be to live tweet a TV episode I wrote. How do I see it happening? Just keep writing.
Ever give someone your wrong name or phone number?
Once or twice I changed an 8 to a 7, usually I give my number because I’m afraid they will call it as soon as I give it to them and that would become awkward for everyone involved.
Describe yourself in one word.
Layered.
If you could say one sentence to Selena and one sentence to Yolanda, what would those sentences be? (courtesy of Jillian Hibbs)
To Selena - I want you to know that you have left such a legacy on this world, even 17 years after you left, you are still thought of daily.
To Yolanda - Why the fuck...?!
(Jill’s one sentence for to Yolanda was “Yolanda, you are a piece of shit and I hope you burn in Satan’s asshole”)
Last question. Are you following me?!
Not as much as you are following me.
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