How to Avoid Creating Rage-Filled People.
Recently, I've been consumed by an uncontrollable rage. It's peculiar because I'm a laid back and super easy person to get along with, like super...easy. I'm not really sure where it's coming from. I try to give every one the utmost respect and maybe get some back. In actuality I don't really expect it in return, because I have incredibly low self-esteem and don't believe I deserve respect, but hey, that's my issue.
I don't know, maybe it's karma? Am I getting what I deserve because I used to drink in high school and steal candy from the grocery store? (My friends made me do it, seriously). Or maybe it's because I hit that pregnant lady with my car during my first senior year of college? Maybe I'm mean spirited person? I thought for the most part, I kept that in check by keeping my sociopathic and insensitive thoughts in my head and only saying them out loud to my best friend and my stuffed animal bedtime pal PJ (RIP buddy). Lately, my rage has had this overbearing hold on me, and no matter how much I self-medicate, it is not helping.
I've decided to turn my rage into a positive. I am going to share with you how to avoid creating this rage I have inside of me, in the people that you surround yourself with. I want to give you some tips on what not to do, so those around you won't feel the way I feel and start to utterly despise and loathe you.
In no way, shape or form is this list about one single person that I know (lie). It's just some unsolicited advice so you do not end up on the receiving end of a co-worker's rage like this completely fictional co-worker I work with that I am about describe. And you know what? It may not even be a co-worker you are creating rage for, it could be a friend, a distant cousin, the college professor you had an affair with...the list could go on.
Disclaimer: Any familiarity with a real person, living or dead is purely coincidental (lie)
I don't know, maybe it's karma? Am I getting what I deserve because I used to drink in high school and steal candy from the grocery store? (My friends made me do it, seriously). Or maybe it's because I hit that pregnant lady with my car during my first senior year of college? Maybe I'm mean spirited person? I thought for the most part, I kept that in check by keeping my sociopathic and insensitive thoughts in my head and only saying them out loud to my best friend and my stuffed animal bedtime pal PJ (RIP buddy). Lately, my rage has had this overbearing hold on me, and no matter how much I self-medicate, it is not helping.
I've decided to turn my rage into a positive. I am going to share with you how to avoid creating this rage I have inside of me, in the people that you surround yourself with. I want to give you some tips on what not to do, so those around you won't feel the way I feel and start to utterly despise and loathe you.
In no way, shape or form is this list about one single person that I know (lie). It's just some unsolicited advice so you do not end up on the receiving end of a co-worker's rage like this completely fictional co-worker I work with that I am about describe. And you know what? It may not even be a co-worker you are creating rage for, it could be a friend, a distant cousin, the college professor you had an affair with...the list could go on.
Disclaimer: Any familiarity with a real person, living or dead is purely coincidental (lie)
Things You Should NOT Do
-Don't whistle Journey songs.
-Don't snore at your desk, at 10 AM, and when the Rabbi catches you telling him you were praying.
Note: And I have bad karma?!
-Don't breathe so deeply that I can hear you with my headphones on.
- Don't gasp for air, I am no good in crisis situations.
-Don't break my chair and act like you didn't (I know you know you did).
-Don't hoard all the office supplies, you are not Staples.
-Don't whistle Beatles songs.
-Don't act like the waitstaff isn't spitting in our food due to your rudeness.
-Don't act like the waitstaff isn't spitting in our food due to your rudeness.
-Don't lie about being in the office for hours when you think I'm not in the office because I was in fact, actually in the office and you were not.
-Don't come in my cubicle and give me a 25-35 minute reviews of movies I don't care to hear about or see (i.e. The Karate Kid).
Note: I will give you Bridesmaids though, because I thoroughly enjoyed that movie.
Note: But I will also say the movie reviews are 85% of the reason my chair is broken.
-Don't tell me how much of a ladies man you were "back in the day." (lie)
-Don't tell me you were in a national commercial and used to hang out on the General Hospital set. (lie)
-Don't spend half the day on the phone with your football coaches and tell them which teams you are going to scout and which teams you are not trading films with. It's weird, those boys are six years old.
-Don't whistle nonsense for three minutes straight.
-Don't complain to me about things you have to do when they are specific to your job title.
-Don't keep telling me that Dog the Bounty Hunter goes to your gym, nobody cares about that, nobody.
-Don't have Everlast as your ringtone and have it on the highest possible volume.
Note: This one is a biggie. Every time I hear "One time around the block, two times around the clock" I picture myself walking down the street right up to Everlast and kicking him in his scrotum.
In conclusion, these are just a FEW of the things that will help you to avoid filling the people around you with rage and bitter anger. Like I said before, the actions on the list were completely fictional situations done by a completely fictional co-worker (lie). If I can give you one thing to take away from this post it is this: If you nothing that is on this list to/around the people you care about, you my friend, will live a full rage-free life.
Good Luck and Godspeed to All.
Come on, tells us how you really feel!
ReplyDeleteBut I shouldn't tease you, you have so much to put up with. Such a large burden for your small, young shoulders.