Then There Are THOSE Wall Posts

We've all been there.  You hop onto Facebook and you’re like “Yes! I gots me a notification yo!”  And it’s always just in time to give you some renewed validation because no one has written on your wall in like 4 days and it’s really effecting your ego.  Then you go to your page and see it's one of those "So and So has just answered a question about you."  You notice it’s from some random person who lived in your dorm hallway freshman year of college.  You never greeted or made eye contact with until 2 months later at the Lacrosse house when you are both plastered standing in line for the bathroom.

 The exchange goes something like this:

Person lower than acquaintance: Hey!!!
You: Hey!!!  Whats up?!
Person lower than acquaintance: I’m sooooo wasted.
You:  Me too!! 
Person lower than acquaintance:  How come we never talk or hang.  We pass each other in the dorms all the time.
You:  I dunno dude!  But it’s pretty stupid, right?

The bathroom is free.

Person lower than acquaintance:  Come in with me.

You: Ok

You’ve peed and you are now waiting for your new BFF to pee

You: Did we just become best friends?

Acquaintance turned New BFF: I think so hahahahahahahahaha, friend me on Facebook when you get back to your room.

You: I will

Acquaintance turned New BFF: You better!

You:  I promise I will!  You done?  Wanna go do keg stands??

Acquaintance turned New BFF:  YES.  I want to get ‘Forget my Name’ wasted tonight.

You:  Me too.  But we’re still going to be friends after tonight right?  Like we aren't just going to walk by each other in the dorms and act like we don't know each other anymore, right?

Acquaintance turned New BFF:  Absolutely not!  Now, before we go do keg stands, hold my hair back so I can yak real quick.

The next morning you walk over to the café with your friends for brunch hungover like you’ve never been before and you see your Acquaintance turned New BFF with her friends, you both make quick eye contact and look away, that’s the last you ever acknowledge each other presence until this Facebook notification eight years later.

So the post says “click to find out what they said about you.”   You don’t  because you could care less and you delete the post off your wall.  You don’t need this spam on your immaculate, witty, and clever profile page.  This scenario keeps happening every once in a while with the next person being more random than the last. 

Then one day the guy you have had inappropriate dreams about since you were 7 years old has answered a question about you.   Sure you claimed to your friends that the  two of you wrestling on his front lawn in 8th grade wasn’t weird,  and you didn’t feel anything weird happening inside of you while it was going on.  Then you claimed you were definitely over him in 10th grade when you got your first boyfriend.  Then after seeing him here and there randomly during your college years, you see him out in a bar one night in your mid-20s in a completely different state, hours and hours from your hometown.  And of course, you shrug it off.   You think to yourself,  "There is no way this is fate telling me we are destined to be together."  But then two years after that, you get the notification on Facebook, you realize…"Omg, he’s still thinking about me like I have for 20 years now."  You click on the link hoping the question is  “Do you think I'm cute?”  And he answers with that wonderful y-e-s.  Then you get to the “Between You and Me” page and it says you  have 17 coins and you need 783 more coins to unlock the answer.  Coins?  What coins?  How do you get coins?  Because if I have to plays Mafia Wars or Farmville to collect them, screw it, I’m texting my best friend from 5th grade and asking her to text him to ask what the question  and answer was.  Then you see this link that says something along the lines of “see how what other people have said about you.”  Intrigued you click.  It’s 4 pages of anonymous questions and answers.   

The situations spoken of above were completely and clearly hypothetical, obviously. 

But I, myself happened to click the link and saw some of the questions asked and answered.  Whoever these people are who answer know their I will never find out who they are, and they know what questions they answered.  So because I’m feeling charitable today (and hopefully I get to write this charitable action off on my taxes) I decided to let the people who answered the question know how I feel about their answers.