Needs.

A guy friend told me I was picky when it came to guys,  I retorted that I wasn't at all, I take what I can get, to an extent.  So here I am to prove him wrong.

For all you gentlemen callers out there itching to get a piece of this caramel latte*, here's my dream dude. Live up to this, and we will live happily ever after, if I don't screw it up with my commitment, abandonment, or non deserving issues.

*You need to be okay with the fact I pronounce caramel, carmel.

Here we go...

I'm prone to dark hair and thick eyebrows.

You need to be okay with my off color, inappropriate humor and sarcasm and be able to reciprocate it, but not to the point where I find it offensive.

You need to be funny, but not funnier than me, yet funnier than what I am.

You need to be slightly "hipstery", but not too hipstery, that's too cliche.

You need to be Jewish, although I can look the other way if you are not. Just be okay with the fact that I have a Jewish fetish and may lie to my mother and tell her you are.

You need to be okay with that fact that sometimes I need alone time, but you should never need alone time when I want to talk to you.

You need to like texting more than talking on the phone, unless I like you enough to talk on the phone, then we should talk on the phone when it's appropriate.

You need to text me a lot, but only when I want you to text me a lot.

You need to be a weekend morning person, but not the guy that wants to go take a run at 7 in the morning. Be the one who wakes me up at 9 by frying bacon on Saturdays, and go to brunch Sundays followed by a leisurely hike.

You need to be a creative type, preferably music, or writing. I can dig an artist, but admittedly, I probably won't get it, or you.

You need to be the one to pick the restaurant. I hate making decisions, but make sure it's either Mexican, Italian, sushi, Chinese, or American comfort.

You need to be okay with that fact that I snore even though I'm not completely convinced I do, even though guys who have stopped talking to me use that as an excuse.

You need to know that I'm willing to go watch any action/thriller/scary movie you want on the weekends, as long as weeknights are saved for watching my TV shows (don't worry, it won't be reality TV...besides Bravo).

You need to be a big drinker, maybe even a bigger drinker than I am.

You need to be okay with the fact that after a night of drinking, I will order a #1 from McDonald's and a double cheeseburger. It's not to share with, get your own, but if I ran out of fries and you have some, offer some to me.

You need to want to do a juice cleanse with me and keep me on it.

You need to own at least one skinny tie, if you don't I will buy you one that goes really well with my complexion.

You don't need to like sports, I don't really care, but you have to like baseball.

You need to be okay with Twitter, and extra points if you have a Twitter account and you use it properly. If neither applies, you will need to open an account and follow me.

You need a pair of biker boots. Biker boots are hot, tied up or untied . You're welcome for giving you an option.

You need to know I have expectations of you to be my TV crushes (re: Damon Salvatore, Nick Miller, Jim Halpert), and if you are not, I will religiously ask you why you can't be more like them.

You need to have at least one pair of  Chuck Taylors. We should have a pair of matching Chucks. I know I have big feet, so I would like it if you have a pair AT LEAST a size bigger than mine. 

You need a couple of baseball hats. You don't have to curve the brim if you don't want to, but you should never wear them tilted to the side. Well, it depends on if you can pull this off. This will be on a case by case basis.

You need to be able to quote movies when appropriate in everyday life, yet only movies I quote.

You need to know that accents would be a plus (Irish, Australian, Greek, or British), but it's not a necessity.

You need to know that you don't need to fill all these requirements, just every one except two...