My Blog: The Outtakes
I would be lying if I said my writing has not taken a backseat to more important things like the Starbucks drive-thru and sitting in the my thinking a spot in the Hills and thinking about how I should be writing, or staying up for 48 hours straight re-watching a TV series I've already watched on Netflix in a weekend (i.e. Kyle XY and Desperate Housewives)
I would also be lying if I said I had good ideas, and good writing over this year. I hate using the phrase writer's block...so when anyone asks me if I've been writing, I always respond with "eh, a bit, but I've been blocked." I don't want to be the person that blames it on the fact that work has been extremely busy or the fact that my cousin 4 times removed, has been missing since April, but something has been happening in my brain where ideas pop in and when I try to get going, they stop either in the intro, or the middle. It kind of feels like when you have a word, and it's "on the tip of your tongue", and fifteen minutes later you are grabbing your tongue with your thumb and index finger trying to get the word off. I know many of you have been missing my consistent posts so, here are some I've started, that I couldn't finish, no matter how caffeinated during the day, or drunk at night I was.
And to prove to you that I'm not just making it up. Here are the screenshots of my posts folders..."draft" meaning not published (idiots)
Others I would commit felonies/misdeameanors for:
The Gays I would do the same for:
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I have a podcast with one of my good friends that airs on an internet radio station every Sunday night. GASHOUSE RADIO, 7PM ET check it, son. Seriously, go there.
My co-host, is an asshole, there’s no other way to describe really, besides the fact she's taller than me but I will tell you, she challenges me weekly, with taboo questions. Most recently about abortion. She asked me if I had done an amino and found out my future child had down syndrome, would I abort it. There was a pause, and some vamping courtesy of me trying to avoid answering, honestly because I didn't know. It made me question my whole existence. My first answer was no, I wouldn't abort it, then it went to maybe, then to I really don't know. I froze up, because for as long as I could remember I was a pro-choice, chick. Do want you want, with your body, but then my mind went to pro-life. It's a life, why would you kill a life. Then I stopped in my tracks and thought "Oh, my fucking God, I'm a fucking conservative."
It’s very hard to break the morals and norms you were brought up in. While I still ALWAYS respect my elders, I slipped up on the "only have one credit card, for emergencies only" rule. Then I listened to another sweet podcast out there "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes" with guest TJ Miller. Don't worry you'd know him if you saw him. He's an atheist and brought up very good points. Points I never had even when I questioned things when I was younger.
Now, I have never questioned the existence of God, but I do, often question religion. I write this as I listen to my favorite Christian artists I grew up with (holler back, dc Talk, holler back). As I grew up I slowly realized you don't need to be religious, you can be spiritual. Pete someone who, like me grew up religious and in the church mentioned the Tower of Babel ....
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You guys, this would have been a great one...if you could have heard about the Chinese girl next to who only spoke Chinese, loudly, on her phone before take off, and then pretended she turned her phone off when the stewardess asked.
Apr. 22, 2013
Since my first time on a plane at age six, I thought it would have been such a cool thing to become a pilot. I love the freedom and feeling of unknowns while you're in the sky. I love the feeling of looking down at Earth and realizing life is so much more than what you think it is every day you wake up.
These thoughts all stopped four years ago.
I think for me it was awesome when I wasn't doing it often. Maybe once a year or early other year for those 19 years, but now, it's a horrid thing.
I hate flying. It's not a fear I have. I'm not scared of flying in the least bit. I never worry about a crash, turbulence to me now, still excites me, it's like a ride at Disneyland, it's everything else that is accompanied with flying that makes think to myself "I wish I was a terrorist, and I could end this experience."
Many of my childhood friends have grown to have this knack for wanting to get married. They also have this honoring yet annoying knack to invite me to partake in the next chapter of their lives. I always feel honored for the invite, and it's hard to say no because they live in different time zones and thousands miles away from me. How can you say "I can't come to your wedding" when these people are the ones that you grew up with and are still in constant contact with and who, after your establishment as the black sheep (no pun...NO PUN) of your group, still love you for you? You just can't, well at least I can't. And I have to admit I love seeing my closest friends who have known me before I got my period, before I had my first sip of beer, and before I pierced my tongue in Mallorca getting married to the loves of their lives, the only negative is, I have to fly.
Flying was fun when I got to do it just for work once in a while, or to fly home for Christmas, but then everyone got the marriage bug and it started to become me flying home for weddings three times a year on top of work travel and holiday travel.
Flying doesn't get easier the more you do it. It gets annoying. The lines, the people, the technical difficulties.
.........
_________________________________________________________________________________
I seem fearless, but I'm not...a middle of the night appendix burst, a wrong place and the wrong time drive by shooting, failure...it's all here
Apr. 22, 2013
Remember when you were a kid and the adults who talked to you put the "you're the future of America" crown on your head? It was the reason you wanted to become a doctor and find a cure, a lawyer and prove innocence (re: OJ Simpson...wait...). Become an astronaut and find a new planet... it's there people, there's this globe like-thing called Pluto....try to find it.
All during your childhood and adolescence you are told you're the future, you will help shape what society becomes.
Before you knew it though, or at least before I knew it, I wasn't the future anymore. I was a just an "adult", in debt due to a college loan and some inappropriate NSFW credit card charges.
Where did the years go? The adults always tell you they fly by, they don't lie about that one...
So to the future "future of America"...here are some tips on from a former, "future of America"...
COLLEGE
Back in my heyday 1984-2003 (RIP)...you were expected to go to college. There were no ifs, ands or buts. It was just something that was expected and known thats what you do. "Take off a year to find yourself? THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS!"
To those who don't think college is for them
Don't go. If you know what you want to do, do that. You are one step ahead of all of us taking math again just to get a degree in Communications. If you want to go to refrigeration school....GO TO REFRIGERATION SCHOOL!
To those who have no choice, or an opinion of their own
Go. It'll change your life. You will become more open minded. You'll meet and befriend people you never in your little heart desired you ever would and they will become lifetime friends (I think. I'm only at like 9-10 years with those friends right now, but I couldn't imagine them not in my life.)
To those who have no idea who they are or what their life should be...
see above at "To those who have no choice, or an opinion of their own"
Also, keep
PARENTS
Unless you're little orphan Annie, they mean well...I think. They are aggravating, annoying and embarrassing, but that NEVER changes. The only thing that changes is that as you grow older they are your rocks and still there for you and you actually become....dare I say it...acquaintances/friends.
POLITICS
They are annoying, incomprehensible, and just so...political. You may not understand what they all say. You may still not understand what a sequester is, even though it will affect your income for the next six months, but there are still social beliefs. You don't need to be an expert to know what you want and what you believe or who deserves and doesn't deserve rights. Twitter helps. Facebook doesn't.
Twitter is a plethora of random people you follow that give you all sides, articles, videos and opinions
Facebook is an annoying place where you have everyone's opinion and their opinion is the only thing that matters
TECHNOLOGY
STOP. Just. Stop. I can't deal with anymore social networking apps. I only have a 32 gig iPhone
and I don't need more ways the people I love can contact me. I can
LOVE
I still don't get this. I don't think anyone understands the opposite sex...or the same sex if thats your thing, or the transgender if that's who you are, or even the beastiality thing(yes, my dog and I have touched tongues on multiple occasions, but that's it...THAT'S IT) until you find the one you want to be with forever...this one is still pending.
I would also be lying if I said I had good ideas, and good writing over this year. I hate using the phrase writer's block...so when anyone asks me if I've been writing, I always respond with "eh, a bit, but I've been blocked." I don't want to be the person that blames it on the fact that work has been extremely busy or the fact that my cousin 4 times removed, has been missing since April, but something has been happening in my brain where ideas pop in and when I try to get going, they stop either in the intro, or the middle. It kind of feels like when you have a word, and it's "on the tip of your tongue", and fifteen minutes later you are grabbing your tongue with your thumb and index finger trying to get the word off. I know many of you have been missing my consistent posts so, here are some I've started, that I couldn't finish, no matter how caffeinated during the day, or drunk at night I was.
And to prove to you that I'm not just making it up. Here are the screenshots of my posts folders..."draft" meaning not published (idiots)
So here we go...a few of my posts, unedited (i.e. spellcheck, grammar, and unfinished thoughts) that would have never made the light of day...until now.
Feb. 4th, 2013
The future. We all think about it. Who we are going to be, where we are going to be, with who we are going to be with. When I picture myself in the future I see myself getting my first shot at writing on a TV show for either ABC or NBC (CBS is mostly multi-cam, and that seems tough for me) at the sweet age of 47. I also see myself get the position of creator and showrunner of my own sitcom at 62, but tragically, the day after I signed my contract with ABC, I died due to an unknown and new peanut allergy of my favorite nut (cashews).
That's besides the point, though. Sixty-two is a "young age" nowadays, but still in my mind 62 equals old people. I assume I'll have grandchildren by then and my husband will either still be the love of my life after all these years or dead, from a heart attack at 59.
Wait. Wait. That's not what this is about either. It's technology and how it grows. I feel I'm pretty good with it, ever since you know, the IBM computers and the Razr (the original not this modified, hardcore one). I'm in that generation where technology really grew when we were in high school. I was there enduring the pain of AOL dialup, but understand why DSL worked. I was the one who got band from Napster (fuck you Metallica, fuck you) the first, P2P music sharing phenom. I was still young when texting was 10 cents a text so you never really did it because your parents would be pissed when the cell phone bill came in the mail.
I always thought I was a person who conformed with technology, but lately I've been noticing that personally... stuff has gotten harder to understand. So I figure by the time I get into my old age, I will be like our grandparents and great parents and their actions towards the new world technology.
I.E.
Microsoft Excel
Oh yeah, I can rock a spreadsheet like no other. Oh. You have to put a zero before the number you type in a cell? I'm all over it. Merge cells? Wrap text? Got it. But wait. Math formulas? Data shit? No thank you.
-Etsy
-I think some of this ignorance is due to laziness but still not understanding.
-LOST
Like what? They weren't real?
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Sometimes I get on a roll of ridiculous writings in the same day...
Feb. 4th, 2013
Everything knows that I would commit attempted murder for Joe Jonas to kiss me. I would commit total murder for Zac Efron to step up to the plate, point his bat and hit all bases, my body being the bases, guys.
Others I would commit felonies/misdeameanors for:
James Franco
Chad Michael Murray
James Lafferty
Ian Somerhalder
Cam Gigandet
Mark Ruffalo
Mechad Brooks
Adrien Brody
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Any actor or musician with an English, Irish or Australian accent
Any guy with a guitar
The parking attendant at my downtown office
The Gays I would do the same for:
Matt Bomer
Matt Dallas
Neil Patrick Harris
The guys I would let probably use as a shield and not feel guilty about:
Jon Hamm
Jon Hamm
Channing Tatum
Ryan Reynolds
George Clooney
Mark Wahlberg
.....
.....
I was feeling especially ethical and spiritual on this day.
Feb. 5th, 2013
My co-host, is an asshole, there’s no other way to describe really, besides the fact she's taller than me but I will tell you, she challenges me weekly, with taboo questions. Most recently about abortion. She asked me if I had done an amino and found out my future child had down syndrome, would I abort it. There was a pause, and some vamping courtesy of me trying to avoid answering, honestly because I didn't know. It made me question my whole existence. My first answer was no, I wouldn't abort it, then it went to maybe, then to I really don't know. I froze up, because for as long as I could remember I was a pro-choice, chick. Do want you want, with your body, but then my mind went to pro-life. It's a life, why would you kill a life. Then I stopped in my tracks and thought "Oh, my fucking God, I'm a fucking conservative."
It’s very hard to break the morals and norms you were brought up in. While I still ALWAYS respect my elders, I slipped up on the "only have one credit card, for emergencies only" rule. Then I listened to another sweet podcast out there "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes" with guest TJ Miller. Don't worry you'd know him if you saw him. He's an atheist and brought up very good points. Points I never had even when I questioned things when I was younger.
Now, I have never questioned the existence of God, but I do, often question religion. I write this as I listen to my favorite Christian artists I grew up with (holler back, dc Talk, holler back). As I grew up I slowly realized you don't need to be religious, you can be spiritual. Pete someone who, like me grew up religious and in the church mentioned the Tower of Babel ....
_________________________________________________________________________________
You guys, this would have been a great one...if you could have heard about the Chinese girl next to who only spoke Chinese, loudly, on her phone before take off, and then pretended she turned her phone off when the stewardess asked.
Apr. 22, 2013
These thoughts all stopped four years ago.
I think for me it was awesome when I wasn't doing it often. Maybe once a year or early other year for those 19 years, but now, it's a horrid thing.
I hate flying. It's not a fear I have. I'm not scared of flying in the least bit. I never worry about a crash, turbulence to me now, still excites me, it's like a ride at Disneyland, it's everything else that is accompanied with flying that makes think to myself "I wish I was a terrorist, and I could end this experience."
Many of my childhood friends have grown to have this knack for wanting to get married. They also have this honoring yet annoying knack to invite me to partake in the next chapter of their lives. I always feel honored for the invite, and it's hard to say no because they live in different time zones and thousands miles away from me. How can you say "I can't come to your wedding" when these people are the ones that you grew up with and are still in constant contact with and who, after your establishment as the black sheep (no pun...NO PUN) of your group, still love you for you? You just can't, well at least I can't. And I have to admit I love seeing my closest friends who have known me before I got my period, before I had my first sip of beer, and before I pierced my tongue in Mallorca getting married to the loves of their lives, the only negative is, I have to fly.
Flying was fun when I got to do it just for work once in a while, or to fly home for Christmas, but then everyone got the marriage bug and it started to become me flying home for weddings three times a year on top of work travel and holiday travel.
Flying doesn't get easier the more you do it. It gets annoying. The lines, the people, the technical difficulties.
.........
_________________________________________________________________________________
I seem fearless, but I'm not...a middle of the night appendix burst, a wrong place and the wrong time drive by shooting, failure...it's all here
Apr. 22, 2013
Appendix Burst
Shot at red light
Failure
(footnote: didn't get to far here, may have blacked out, then passed out)
_________________________________________________________________________________
After my well worded, amazing description of my fears I decided, I should focus on the children. I think if I had finished this post, I would have learned a lot. For example...I would have learned that the children are our future, and that we need to teach them well and let them lead the way, you know, show them all beauty they possess inside...I probably would have learned that I wanted to give them a sense of pride, to make it easier. I would have realized that I wanted to let their laughter remind us how we used to be. This post would have helped me decide to never walk in anyone's shadow. I think the moral of this post would have showed me that If I fail, if I succeed, at least I'd live as I believe. No matter what they would take from me, they couldn't take away my dignity. Too bad this will never be completed. The children will never know. And since I never finished it, I won't ever learn that greatest love of all could happen to me and it would probably be inside me and easy to achieve.
Apr. 22, 2013
Remember when you were a kid and the adults who talked to you put the "you're the future of America" crown on your head? It was the reason you wanted to become a doctor and find a cure, a lawyer and prove innocence (re: OJ Simpson...wait...). Become an astronaut and find a new planet... it's there people, there's this globe like-thing called Pluto....try to find it.
All during your childhood and adolescence you are told you're the future, you will help shape what society becomes.
Before you knew it though, or at least before I knew it, I wasn't the future anymore. I was a just an "adult", in debt due to a college loan and some inappropriate NSFW credit card charges.
Where did the years go? The adults always tell you they fly by, they don't lie about that one...
So to the future "future of America"...here are some tips on from a former, "future of America"...
COLLEGE
Back in my heyday 1984-2003 (RIP)...you were expected to go to college. There were no ifs, ands or buts. It was just something that was expected and known thats what you do. "Take off a year to find yourself? THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS!"
To those who don't think college is for them
Don't go. If you know what you want to do, do that. You are one step ahead of all of us taking math again just to get a degree in Communications. If you want to go to refrigeration school....GO TO REFRIGERATION SCHOOL!
To those who have no choice, or an opinion of their own
Go. It'll change your life. You will become more open minded. You'll meet and befriend people you never in your little heart desired you ever would and they will become lifetime friends (I think. I'm only at like 9-10 years with those friends right now, but I couldn't imagine them not in my life.)
To those who have no idea who they are or what their life should be...
see above at "To those who have no choice, or an opinion of their own"
Also, keep
PARENTS
Unless you're little orphan Annie, they mean well...I think. They are aggravating, annoying and embarrassing, but that NEVER changes. The only thing that changes is that as you grow older they are your rocks and still there for you and you actually become....dare I say it...acquaintances/friends.
POLITICS
They are annoying, incomprehensible, and just so...political. You may not understand what they all say. You may still not understand what a sequester is, even though it will affect your income for the next six months, but there are still social beliefs. You don't need to be an expert to know what you want and what you believe or who deserves and doesn't deserve rights. Twitter helps. Facebook doesn't.
Twitter is a plethora of random people you follow that give you all sides, articles, videos and opinions
Facebook is an annoying place where you have everyone's opinion and their opinion is the only thing that matters
TECHNOLOGY
STOP. Just. Stop. I can't deal with anymore social networking apps. I only have a 32 gig iPhone
and I don't need more ways the people I love can contact me. I can
LOVE
I still don't get this. I don't think anyone understands the opposite sex...or the same sex if thats your thing, or the transgender if that's who you are, or even the beastiality thing(yes, my dog and I have touched tongues on multiple occasions, but that's it...THAT'S IT) until you find the one you want to be with forever...this one is still pending.
.........
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