ROBS WILLS/DEPRESSION STIGMA
Favorite line: "It was a run by fruiting."
The strangest thing. For about two weeks now, I had wanted to write a post on here. Instead of just writing and seeing what came out, I was in the mindset that something will come to me and that'll be my first blog since May, and clearly that wasn't working until today.
This is not going to be a funny post, this is not going to be edited*, this is just a written stream of consciousness about something that I may have just realized today... is something I may be really passionate about that isn't superficial like my YouTube views, the best kind of cheese, or pop culture. And I know this is probably going to be a super long thing which is not what our society likes today. We like lists. If it's not a list, we leave it alone and move on to something that is a list. If you are looking for a list, go ahead and leave, it's cool, I won't hold it against you. I probably would've done the same.
*I will try to edit speeling and gramer thot.
I was on Twitter and I saw a tweet on my timeline from some "Hollywood news source"... a reputable one and all it said was "Robin Williams passed away" ... my two initials thoughts were
1) That's was a typo
2) Maybe it is a different famous Robin Williams that I don't know
After scrolling through my timeline more I was noticing it was the one, the one who was Mrs. Doubtfire and I can consciously remember laughing out loud at throughout the film. I'm sure I laughed at other films in my 9 years of life, but this is the one I till this day remember cracking up the most at and crowning Matthew Lawrence as my favorite and cutest Lawrence brother. The one who was Jack, the 40 year old that played a 10 year old who was so convincing to me that I wanted to play with him. To this day, I like to address my co-worker Louie, as "Hey, Louis, you Louis-er"
Very not long after coming to acceptance that it was him (3 tweets in), it was then that it was a suspected suicide that took him away. That was a punch in my sternum. It's never the people you think would (such a weird and horrible thing to say) and it's often, for me at least someone you haven't thought about recently until you get that text, tweet or phone call (another weird and horrible thing to say)
I was glued to my Twitter feed, refreshing, seeing the tweets from comedians that never stagger from their comedic personas to say they were heartbroken, or how sweet he was... there were also a lot of tweets about suicide prevention and getting help, which I agreed with all and once again thought about the stigma of depression and other mental health issues. With every single tweet I read, the chills rolled down my body very vividly and like they have never before, never (not even Cory Monteith)
I'm not going to sit here and be a person that says "Robin Williams is the reason I try to get into comedy, or that he's my favorite actor." I will say that Robin Williams, whenever I watched him was HILARIOUS and/or HEARTWARMING. I will also say, he is the first consistent actor/comedian/*twinkly eyed man that I can't remember not knowing about or being in my life (you know in what way).
*every time I saw him on screen film/TV those eyes had a twinkle
There was something, the littlest of ticks inside of me, that was like "Hey, write something." It was immediately knocked down by "Where are you going to write this? You're trying to have a persona of funny on the internet." (kinda)
This is why I decided to write this... Nick at Nite.
I remember growing up recording episodes of THE FACTS OF LIFE on VHS that were on Nick at Nite. I also remember doing the same with DIFF'RENT STROKES. I don't think I knew how to record when MORK AND MINDY was on, but I remember watching those episodes on the couch with my mom.
It was DIFF'RENT STROKES though. That's the reason I'm writing this. "Whatcha' talkin' 'bout, Willis?" was my adopted catchphrase in middle school/high school. Everyone on that show is now dead except Mrs. Garrett, who I consider a FACTS OF LIFE gal....and Todd Bridges... Todd Bridges, who called what Robin Williams did...selfish.
That is when I had no choice, I had to write.
When I was 20 and in college and didn't know the world or who I am and someone I grew up with killed themself, I agreed. I thought it was unnecessary, and selfish to leave their family, friends, not turn 21 to have their first legal drink...and so on and so forth.
Now that I'm 29, not in college and still barely know the world nor who I am I don't think it's selfish. And for an almost 50 year old man who has lived a lot more than me, in so many ways, I call bullshit.
There are so many aspects to this and I think the one I want to talk about is; there's a stigma.
The reason you call it selfish is one of the many reasons people who do this, do it. There is no empathy. I can't fathom why there are people out there that truly believe the only reason someone would take their own life is out of selfishness. Sure Todd Bridges, you went through a lot, the hardest of times for you, but what makes you think your hardest time is the equal to someone else's? It's not.
I wholeheartedly believe that there is no one out there that WANTS to take their own life. There is something in them that thinks that is the only way out and MAYBE if society didn't think like that, things would change.
Human nature isn't; you're born and you want to die.
In the words of a funny comedian I like, Jen Kirkman "I didn't ask to be born, and now I'm afraid to die, so that's the shit I live in everyday."
Society needs to try and understand that people don't want to die. Depression isn't something people choose. It happens, whether it be internal situations or external situations, it still happens, and is not controllable.
I get it.
It's this feeling where you can't get up in the morning, no matter what you have to do or want to do.
In people's mind there's a thing saying,
"Just get up, go."
but there is something overpowering it just saying ...
"NO."
It's a...
"My phone is ringing, I should answer it."
Then an ever consuming,
"NO!"
so...
"I'm not going to answer the phone because I don't want to bring that person down."
It's...
"I don't want to say this out loud to someone because they are going to change how they talk to me, or act around me. They are going to judge me."
It's also...
"What gives me the right to feel like this?"
It's not a right, it's something that happens that you can't control.
People have these moments where some are fleeting and some are so constant that say the world and themselves would be so much better without them and they would be better without the world. You can only fight and fight for so long by yourself before it consumes you off the cliff. It's SUPER hard. Some people can do it alone, and some can't. Trust. I've been there.
People don't want to tell those in their lives because of the fear of the stigma.
It's a fear of thinking....
"What makes your life so much worst than everyone else's?"
"They're just being dramatic."
"They are being so annoying and such a downer."
"If I tell someone how I'm feeling they are going to leave me."
I've been that person when I was younger and would write a person off saying "they are depressing, I'm not going to talk to them anymore, they bring me down."
It's kind of like saying, "I'm not going to talk to that person because they are black/gay/transgender/a brony" et. al.
We need to be less judgmental about this and more sympathetic and willing to help.
ASK.
If someone you know seems different. Ask. Ask if they are okay, if they are like "I'm fine." and you're not feeling that, ask again and again. Maybe they will get annoyed or mad at you, but that's kind of better than them never getting annoyed or mad at you again, right?
What I hope can come from this, I don't even know if the word legend does Robin Williams good, is that people realize this can happen to the most unexpected people ever, at anytime and just to listen, watch, don't judge, do something.
I've never liked the "R.I.P.", but Robin Williams... R.I.P. - thanks for making my childhood hilarious/heartwarming and creepy with ONE HOUR PHOTO... "never had a friend like..." you were ... I don't know... you just...were...
The strangest thing. For about two weeks now, I had wanted to write a post on here. Instead of just writing and seeing what came out, I was in the mindset that something will come to me and that'll be my first blog since May, and clearly that wasn't working until today.
This is not going to be a funny post, this is not going to be edited*, this is just a written stream of consciousness about something that I may have just realized today... is something I may be really passionate about that isn't superficial like my YouTube views, the best kind of cheese, or pop culture. And I know this is probably going to be a super long thing which is not what our society likes today. We like lists. If it's not a list, we leave it alone and move on to something that is a list. If you are looking for a list, go ahead and leave, it's cool, I won't hold it against you. I probably would've done the same.
*I will try to edit speeling and gramer thot.
I was on Twitter and I saw a tweet on my timeline from some "Hollywood news source"... a reputable one and all it said was "Robin Williams passed away" ... my two initials thoughts were
1) That's was a typo
2) Maybe it is a different famous Robin Williams that I don't know
After scrolling through my timeline more I was noticing it was the one, the one who was Mrs. Doubtfire and I can consciously remember laughing out loud at throughout the film. I'm sure I laughed at other films in my 9 years of life, but this is the one I till this day remember cracking up the most at and crowning Matthew Lawrence as my favorite and cutest Lawrence brother. The one who was Jack, the 40 year old that played a 10 year old who was so convincing to me that I wanted to play with him. To this day, I like to address my co-worker Louie, as "Hey, Louis, you Louis-er"
Very not long after coming to acceptance that it was him (3 tweets in), it was then that it was a suspected suicide that took him away. That was a punch in my sternum. It's never the people you think would (such a weird and horrible thing to say) and it's often, for me at least someone you haven't thought about recently until you get that text, tweet or phone call (another weird and horrible thing to say)
I was glued to my Twitter feed, refreshing, seeing the tweets from comedians that never stagger from their comedic personas to say they were heartbroken, or how sweet he was... there were also a lot of tweets about suicide prevention and getting help, which I agreed with all and once again thought about the stigma of depression and other mental health issues. With every single tweet I read, the chills rolled down my body very vividly and like they have never before, never (not even Cory Monteith)
I'm not going to sit here and be a person that says "Robin Williams is the reason I try to get into comedy, or that he's my favorite actor." I will say that Robin Williams, whenever I watched him was HILARIOUS and/or HEARTWARMING. I will also say, he is the first consistent actor/comedian/*twinkly eyed man that I can't remember not knowing about or being in my life (you know in what way).
*every time I saw him on screen film/TV those eyes had a twinkle
There was something, the littlest of ticks inside of me, that was like "Hey, write something." It was immediately knocked down by "Where are you going to write this? You're trying to have a persona of funny on the internet." (kinda)
This is why I decided to write this... Nick at Nite.
I remember growing up recording episodes of THE FACTS OF LIFE on VHS that were on Nick at Nite. I also remember doing the same with DIFF'RENT STROKES. I don't think I knew how to record when MORK AND MINDY was on, but I remember watching those episodes on the couch with my mom.
It was DIFF'RENT STROKES though. That's the reason I'm writing this. "Whatcha' talkin' 'bout, Willis?" was my adopted catchphrase in middle school/high school. Everyone on that show is now dead except Mrs. Garrett, who I consider a FACTS OF LIFE gal....and Todd Bridges... Todd Bridges, who called what Robin Williams did...selfish.
That is when I had no choice, I had to write.
When I was 20 and in college and didn't know the world or who I am and someone I grew up with killed themself, I agreed. I thought it was unnecessary, and selfish to leave their family, friends, not turn 21 to have their first legal drink...and so on and so forth.
Now that I'm 29, not in college and still barely know the world nor who I am I don't think it's selfish. And for an almost 50 year old man who has lived a lot more than me, in so many ways, I call bullshit.
There are so many aspects to this and I think the one I want to talk about is; there's a stigma.
The reason you call it selfish is one of the many reasons people who do this, do it. There is no empathy. I can't fathom why there are people out there that truly believe the only reason someone would take their own life is out of selfishness. Sure Todd Bridges, you went through a lot, the hardest of times for you, but what makes you think your hardest time is the equal to someone else's? It's not.
I wholeheartedly believe that there is no one out there that WANTS to take their own life. There is something in them that thinks that is the only way out and MAYBE if society didn't think like that, things would change.
Human nature isn't; you're born and you want to die.
In the words of a funny comedian I like, Jen Kirkman "I didn't ask to be born, and now I'm afraid to die, so that's the shit I live in everyday."
Society needs to try and understand that people don't want to die. Depression isn't something people choose. It happens, whether it be internal situations or external situations, it still happens, and is not controllable.
I get it.
It's this feeling where you can't get up in the morning, no matter what you have to do or want to do.
In people's mind there's a thing saying,
"Just get up, go."
but there is something overpowering it just saying ...
"NO."
It's a...
"My phone is ringing, I should answer it."
Then an ever consuming,
"NO!"
so...
"I'm not going to answer the phone because I don't want to bring that person down."
It's...
"I don't want to say this out loud to someone because they are going to change how they talk to me, or act around me. They are going to judge me."
It's also...
"What gives me the right to feel like this?"
It's not a right, it's something that happens that you can't control.
People have these moments where some are fleeting and some are so constant that say the world and themselves would be so much better without them and they would be better without the world. You can only fight and fight for so long by yourself before it consumes you off the cliff. It's SUPER hard. Some people can do it alone, and some can't. Trust. I've been there.
People don't want to tell those in their lives because of the fear of the stigma.
It's a fear of thinking....
"What makes your life so much worst than everyone else's?"
"They're just being dramatic."
"They are being so annoying and such a downer."
"If I tell someone how I'm feeling they are going to leave me."
I've been that person when I was younger and would write a person off saying "they are depressing, I'm not going to talk to them anymore, they bring me down."
It's kind of like saying, "I'm not going to talk to that person because they are black/gay/transgender/a brony" et. al.
We need to be less judgmental about this and more sympathetic and willing to help.
ASK.
If someone you know seems different. Ask. Ask if they are okay, if they are like "I'm fine." and you're not feeling that, ask again and again. Maybe they will get annoyed or mad at you, but that's kind of better than them never getting annoyed or mad at you again, right?
What I hope can come from this, I don't even know if the word legend does Robin Williams good, is that people realize this can happen to the most unexpected people ever, at anytime and just to listen, watch, don't judge, do something.
I've never liked the "R.I.P.", but Robin Williams... R.I.P. - thanks for making my childhood hilarious/heartwarming and creepy with ONE HOUR PHOTO... "never had a friend like..." you were ... I don't know... you just...were...
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