My Brief Review of Reviews

-
I have a new found hobby. Many people know how entertaining it is to read Yelp reviews, but do you know how much fun it is to read app reviews in the App Store?  I chose four of my favorite apps and checked out the first 50 reviews of each, these are some of my favorites.

INSTAGRAM

How can you compare MySpace and Twitter? Is it because you are on crack cocaine heroin? Also, what exactly is crack cocaine heroin? Like a super magic eight ball?



 Listen up Rosie baby, your problem isn't with Instagram, it's with China. Go complain to them, I'm sure they'll understand.



Omg. Your Instagram app can talk????



You know what's not ideal? Your last name is Wex.




TWITTER

Nope. No one is kidding here, Helen.


I feel you. Reminds me of the days when I was a kid and actually had to be home to hit 'record' on the VCR every Tuesday night to tape a new episode of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'

 You are such a stalker, and I LOVE it. Follow me.

It's not the app, it's the fact that no one is mentioning you...

Hey bruh, you alright? You seem like you're sad.

Bonus review.
O     M    G ...

 
FACEBOOK

You have the hardest knock of life I have ever seen.

I actually agree with you Snak, because I want to "dilike" this. I'm really hoping you are younger than seven years old. If not, get checked out by a doctor...for everything.


But do you like green eggs and ham? You seem like a real pessimist. What do you like? Kicking puppies?


Where?! Go where?! Is this a cry for help? Do you need medical assistance? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU!!!


YOUTUBE

 

Aww, were you raised to believe life was fair? How tragic.

Let me help you out K. Daws...you mean vid.


Five minutes after this review was posted, Alfalasi's family was tragically killed in a freak pedestrian hit-and-run accident. Yes, all of them. One car, 40 family members. Dead.

Okay, okay.  Yes, I am Ant Bully. I love to watch myself! Deal with it. FIX IT YOUTUBE APP! FIX IT!


And my review of the App Store? You need enable us to comment directly to others.

Godspeed.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I've Got a Theory

-
I have a relationship with the clerk in the store where I buy my beef jerky and copenhagen—I mean where I buy my quinoa and acai. I’m in there about twice a week  and have been going to this store for  basically the entire time I’ve lived in LA.  We aren’t wordsmiths towards each other, but we have facial recognition and the “Hey! How are you? Good to see you.” down pat.  Yesterday something happened. He rung me up (I got a cherry blow pop that he didn’t charge me for) I swiped my card because plastic makes it easier to believe that you aren’t spending anything. I grabbed my bag of Colt 45 and two zig zags* (I mean because baby…that's all I need)—I mean, organic bananas and almonds, I turned about 35 degrees, got one foot up ready to take a step when he mumbled to me. He either said, “How about that plane?” “Crazy about the plane.” “What do you think about that plane?” Till this day I don't and do not believe I’ll ever know what he initally said. I just kind of
Read more

Her, Him & Them: Based on a Fictional True Story

-
Based on a true, but fictional story He was everything to her. She knew every possible thing she could know about him.  He was a photographer, an amazing one at that. He would say that  SportsCenter  was his favorite show, when in actuality it was  Parenthood.  If he could only eat one type of food for the rest of his life, he chose the Dragon Roll from Sushi on Main. He had a super fat tabby cat named Tabby. He’s deathly allergic to bees.  He’s the oldest of three children. He has two sisters that mean the absolute world to him. Their father died when he was 10 and he had to become the man of the house. When he’s ready to have children he wants four, two of each. These are the things she excitedly told her three girlfriends at brunch the first time she mentioned him. She couldn’t believe a month had passed since she told them about him. She wasn’t going to, at least not then but she just kind of blurted it out after they kept badgering her about who her plus one would be to the w
Read more

You're Judging Me? I'm Judging You?

-
I was getting coffee with a co-worker today and I ordered a caramel latte.  The barista asked me a question after I ordered. I didn't hear what he said, so he repeated it. I still couldn't hear, so he repeated it a third time. I responded again with "what?" He repeated it again. I turned to my co-worker for assistance and he said "What is your name?" the proceeded to answer for the barista.  After we left I told him that I really couldn't understand the barista, he said well he was soft spoken, maybe he was intimidated by you.  I was taken aback. "What?! I'm not intimidating." "Yeah, you are just the look you always have on your face. It says 'don't talk to me.'" I cursed out loud and replied with "Dammit, that's supposed to be my airport look." Don't bother me at airports people, don't want to be there, don't want to know you. Unbeknownst to me, my airport look turned into my everyday when
Read more