Things That Concern Me - An Open Letter to a Co-worker - September 23rd 2012
Dear Co-worker who shall not be named,
(if you know me and you are reading this, you know exactly who I am talking about)
I’m a highly tolerant person. I accept and am kind to all types of people, including, but not limited to; people with different shapes, sizes, colors, sexual orientations, STDs, and body odors. Even if I don’t tolerate you, I will try my best to not show it to you.
However, there are some things that I just cannot tolerate. Included, but not limited to; blantant rudeness, morbid obesity (that was brought on by your own eating habits), extreme laziness, conniving charm, lying, and getting away with lying (I may be jealous of that one)
If you look into your own mind's eye, what luck I had come across, when two and a half years ago, I went down to the lobby of our office building and I met you. For what your job description entailed, I was at first, very surprised to see your 400 pound stature, but you got up from the chair, shook my hand and with a beaming smile, charmingly told me it was very nice to meet me. I thought to myself, "Okay, he's a very big guy but maybe he doesn't let that disable him." I don't know if you had Googled me and knew that I have an extreme need to be complimented and take easily to very friendly people. Rather quickly and surely though, I found out, every trait you possess, are all the ones I despise. Yo, co-worker douche, are you asking yourself why am I posting this on a public blog and not emailing this to you or talking to you face to face? For starters, I don’t like confrontation. Also, I have seen your wrath when you are feeling threatened. I’ve seen you get someone fired without any just cause, I’ve seen you yell at someone who turned on the lights above our cubicles because they had just had eye surgery and couldn’t see, you then proceeded to storm off to our front office to “tattle” and complain. I have seen the same thing unfold too many times to count. And each time, there is this coldness in your voice that you only hear from villains in the movies, it’s almost like you are saying “I will destroy you by any means necessary. That’s something I don’t need or want to deal with.
Last week, we had a rough four day week together, co-worker-o-mine. I bit my tongue often around you and rolled my eyes only when I was convinced you couldn’t see me do so. Imagine how I’m feeling after a long, sweaty, physical work week in a hot warehouse located in gang country USA (Compton) and I come into the office Friday morning and read an email that says you are taking the day off because you hurt your “already injured” back moving empty plastic bins from your truck back to our storage closet. Everybody has their breaking point and this may have been mine. I’m not saying I’m the most outstanding employee in the world (I’ve never won the monetary quarterly award) but I get the work I need to do, done, and on top of that, I do your work. And if I may, I do a much better job than you'd ever do and I know your job requirements better. I don’t know what you have on our agency, but it seems no matter what you do, it doesn’t matter, there is never any action taken. I do want you to know though, co-worker, everyone else who has no say in what you do, in our office and our co-workers through out the country notices, and they have very little respect for you, we have ALL talked about you often over drinks.
1. You’re rude.
And always with no reasoning to back it up. I’m almost 60% sure that the Don Cuco’s in Glendale shut down because you yelled at the waiter for charging you an extra dollar for the green sauce. Also when you burp and fart, I can hear you. For the love of God, please, fucking say excuse me. Those two words literally take half of a second to say.
2. You are morbidly obese.
That’d be great and I’d be completely cool with it if you had a heart of gold or if it was a "thyroid problem." But you always talk about how you need and want to lose weight and all your medical problems, yet when you have a chance to actually be active at work, you sit on your ass and making everyone else do the job you were hired and getting paid 30 dollars an hour to do (yes I just called out your annual salary). Also your food intake. It's not really about the food that you do intake, which, the majority of the time food that isn't going to help you lose weight, it's how you intake it. You have to realize you are in public, right? My mother's dad helped hide Jews in Holland during the Holocaust and she always talks about her affixaition to food due to the lack of when she was a child, but I have never once seen her engulf food, the way you do. Pigs eating in troughs would look at you and judge you if they watched how and what you eat.
3. You lie.
Sure, I lie to my mother often. "No, I wasn't drunk, I only drank like 3 beers." "A child was gunned down outside of my house, that's why I'm two hours late to work." But you, my co-worker, you lie about the strangest shit. You have told half the office you have diabetes and the other half you don’t. You lie that you are in office, when in fact I'm urinating on your desk chair with you nowhere to be found. I don’t even really care about those. I do care that you told me how you were the star in a national commercial for like soup or something. I also care about how when I told you I was a big "General Hospital" fan you, what seemed magically told me about the time you and your "bros" snuck onto their set pretending to be painters. My BIGGEST issue with you and your lies though, is your alcohol intake. I specifically remember when we first met and I told you about how I'm a pretty big drinker and had gotten wasted the past weekend and you replied you “weren’t much of a drinker” but all of a sudden it became you telling me on Mondays how on the weekend you "drank 6 or 7 Coronas" and you were feeling "really, really good.” Or how you have "bottles of Patron stocked in your freezer." DON'T LIE TO ME ABOUT ALCOHOL!
4. You think I’m stupid.
You think I’m that dumb that I don’t realize you try to cut corners and beat the system in every way possible. I know about all beating the system. When I was in college who do you think was double fisting beers on dollar Miller Lite bottle night and triple fisting when the clock was about to strike midnight? Do you really think I'm not smart enough to know that when you email me and our other two co-workers and not our boss that you are going to be out that I think you are going to take the appropriate leave hours when you come back to work? I have emails you sent to us, your co-workers and different times with emails where you did include our boss. (I also have our sign-in book…so, who’s stupid now?)
5. Your supreme laziness
Some of you that know me, are probably going to call me a hypocrite, but my laziness isn’t just me being lazy. I'm not going to deny the fact that I am lazy, but there's a part of that, that is also my undiagnosed, yet self-diagnosed depression I have to, and am starting to deal with. There are times I really, really, really want to do something, but can’t because I physically/mentally cannot get off the couch, or bed or where ever I'm laying. This relevation is part of my relatively new self-awareness. You, my friend (using the that term lightly) are just lazy, you come to work in your navy blue sweatpants and your navy blue football t-shirt and you sit, you just sit, in front of the fan, while I’m lifting very heavy things that aren’t in my job description. On top of that I'm sweating. Yes, I'm more than likely sweating out the alcohol from the night before, but it's also because you are sitting in an open area with the fan while I'm in an 8x20 dark box inhaling meth residue. How do you think it makes me feel when I have to do your job when I could be sitting in my air conditioned office, wasting the day away on Facebook and Twitter, just doing me, the way its supposed to be?
In conclusion, worker person of mine, you are a thorn in my side. I have reached a breaking point with only one other person in my 27 years on this earth and the outburst I had with them and the issues that we had are NOTHING compared to our issues and what I think of you. Get it together, or admit you're wrong, or quit. I've just given you three easy options, please choose one of them. So that's that. Hope you have a great day today and I'll see you soon.
Always,
Chandra
P.S. Thanks to all of you who aren't my co-worker that persevered through my rant, but it did concern me this month.
(if you know me and you are reading this, you know exactly who I am talking about)
I’m a highly tolerant person. I accept and am kind to all types of people, including, but not limited to; people with different shapes, sizes, colors, sexual orientations, STDs, and body odors. Even if I don’t tolerate you, I will try my best to not show it to you.
However, there are some things that I just cannot tolerate. Included, but not limited to; blantant rudeness, morbid obesity (that was brought on by your own eating habits), extreme laziness, conniving charm, lying, and getting away with lying (I may be jealous of that one)
If you look into your own mind's eye, what luck I had come across, when two and a half years ago, I went down to the lobby of our office building and I met you. For what your job description entailed, I was at first, very surprised to see your 400 pound stature, but you got up from the chair, shook my hand and with a beaming smile, charmingly told me it was very nice to meet me. I thought to myself, "Okay, he's a very big guy but maybe he doesn't let that disable him." I don't know if you had Googled me and knew that I have an extreme need to be complimented and take easily to very friendly people. Rather quickly and surely though, I found out, every trait you possess, are all the ones I despise. Yo, co-worker douche, are you asking yourself why am I posting this on a public blog and not emailing this to you or talking to you face to face? For starters, I don’t like confrontation. Also, I have seen your wrath when you are feeling threatened. I’ve seen you get someone fired without any just cause, I’ve seen you yell at someone who turned on the lights above our cubicles because they had just had eye surgery and couldn’t see, you then proceeded to storm off to our front office to “tattle” and complain. I have seen the same thing unfold too many times to count. And each time, there is this coldness in your voice that you only hear from villains in the movies, it’s almost like you are saying “I will destroy you by any means necessary. That’s something I don’t need or want to deal with.
Last week, we had a rough four day week together, co-worker-o-mine. I bit my tongue often around you and rolled my eyes only when I was convinced you couldn’t see me do so. Imagine how I’m feeling after a long, sweaty, physical work week in a hot warehouse located in gang country USA (Compton) and I come into the office Friday morning and read an email that says you are taking the day off because you hurt your “already injured” back moving empty plastic bins from your truck back to our storage closet. Everybody has their breaking point and this may have been mine. I’m not saying I’m the most outstanding employee in the world (I’ve never won the monetary quarterly award) but I get the work I need to do, done, and on top of that, I do your work. And if I may, I do a much better job than you'd ever do and I know your job requirements better. I don’t know what you have on our agency, but it seems no matter what you do, it doesn’t matter, there is never any action taken. I do want you to know though, co-worker, everyone else who has no say in what you do, in our office and our co-workers through out the country notices, and they have very little respect for you, we have ALL talked about you often over drinks.
1. You’re rude.
And always with no reasoning to back it up. I’m almost 60% sure that the Don Cuco’s in Glendale shut down because you yelled at the waiter for charging you an extra dollar for the green sauce. Also when you burp and fart, I can hear you. For the love of God, please, fucking say excuse me. Those two words literally take half of a second to say.
2. You are morbidly obese.
That’d be great and I’d be completely cool with it if you had a heart of gold or if it was a "thyroid problem." But you always talk about how you need and want to lose weight and all your medical problems, yet when you have a chance to actually be active at work, you sit on your ass and making everyone else do the job you were hired and getting paid 30 dollars an hour to do (yes I just called out your annual salary). Also your food intake. It's not really about the food that you do intake, which, the majority of the time food that isn't going to help you lose weight, it's how you intake it. You have to realize you are in public, right? My mother's dad helped hide Jews in Holland during the Holocaust and she always talks about her affixaition to food due to the lack of when she was a child, but I have never once seen her engulf food, the way you do. Pigs eating in troughs would look at you and judge you if they watched how and what you eat.
3. You lie.
Sure, I lie to my mother often. "No, I wasn't drunk, I only drank like 3 beers." "A child was gunned down outside of my house, that's why I'm two hours late to work." But you, my co-worker, you lie about the strangest shit. You have told half the office you have diabetes and the other half you don’t. You lie that you are in office, when in fact I'm urinating on your desk chair with you nowhere to be found. I don’t even really care about those. I do care that you told me how you were the star in a national commercial for like soup or something. I also care about how when I told you I was a big "General Hospital" fan you, what seemed magically told me about the time you and your "bros" snuck onto their set pretending to be painters. My BIGGEST issue with you and your lies though, is your alcohol intake. I specifically remember when we first met and I told you about how I'm a pretty big drinker and had gotten wasted the past weekend and you replied you “weren’t much of a drinker” but all of a sudden it became you telling me on Mondays how on the weekend you "drank 6 or 7 Coronas" and you were feeling "really, really good.” Or how you have "bottles of Patron stocked in your freezer." DON'T LIE TO ME ABOUT ALCOHOL!
4. You think I’m stupid.
You think I’m that dumb that I don’t realize you try to cut corners and beat the system in every way possible. I know about all beating the system. When I was in college who do you think was double fisting beers on dollar Miller Lite bottle night and triple fisting when the clock was about to strike midnight? Do you really think I'm not smart enough to know that when you email me and our other two co-workers and not our boss that you are going to be out that I think you are going to take the appropriate leave hours when you come back to work? I have emails you sent to us, your co-workers and different times with emails where you did include our boss. (I also have our sign-in book…so, who’s stupid now?)
5. Your supreme laziness
Some of you that know me, are probably going to call me a hypocrite, but my laziness isn’t just me being lazy. I'm not going to deny the fact that I am lazy, but there's a part of that, that is also my undiagnosed, yet self-diagnosed depression I have to, and am starting to deal with. There are times I really, really, really want to do something, but can’t because I physically/mentally cannot get off the couch, or bed or where ever I'm laying. This relevation is part of my relatively new self-awareness. You, my friend (using the that term lightly) are just lazy, you come to work in your navy blue sweatpants and your navy blue football t-shirt and you sit, you just sit, in front of the fan, while I’m lifting very heavy things that aren’t in my job description. On top of that I'm sweating. Yes, I'm more than likely sweating out the alcohol from the night before, but it's also because you are sitting in an open area with the fan while I'm in an 8x20 dark box inhaling meth residue. How do you think it makes me feel when I have to do your job when I could be sitting in my air conditioned office, wasting the day away on Facebook and Twitter, just doing me, the way its supposed to be?
In conclusion, worker person of mine, you are a thorn in my side. I have reached a breaking point with only one other person in my 27 years on this earth and the outburst I had with them and the issues that we had are NOTHING compared to our issues and what I think of you. Get it together, or admit you're wrong, or quit. I've just given you three easy options, please choose one of them. So that's that. Hope you have a great day today and I'll see you soon.
Always,
Chandra
P.S. Thanks to all of you who aren't my co-worker that persevered through my rant, but it did concern me this month.
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