Thanksgiving.

This is my 'Things that Concern Me', if nothing else dire pops up in the next two weeks.

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks. It dates back to when one species of humans met another species of humans, broke bread and eventually in time, the one human species wiped out the other human species.  Fortunately, not entirely though. Could you imagine a world without Indian casinos?? Me neither. 

I love Thanksgiving. I love giving thanks, and I love the food.

 Off the top of my head, here are a few things I’m thankful for that never become old:

• I’m thankful I have no STDs.
• I’m thankful that the main meat on Thanksgiving is turkey.
• I’m thankful for my mother who, without her, I would probably be lying in some ditch, dead, with a needle in my decomposed body.
• I'm thankful for my closest friends, present and past, for shaping me into the person I am. I consider you guys family (also if you don't like me, blame them)
• I’m thankful... well prior to the premiere of “16 & Pregnant”, that I never became a teen mom. sidenote: if MTV aired this show when I was in high school, my junior prom weekend may have gone, a little  differently
• I’m thankful for my 401k that just sits there stewing in thousands of dollars (#humblebrag)

My favorite thing to give thanks for though are those years where my birthday actually falls on Thanksgiving. It gives my narcissism to the chance to come out in a cute, quirky way that allows me to say “I’m thankful that I was born today and that you are all able to bask in the existence that is me.”

My most recent birthday that fell on Thanksgiving was last year. It was a great day. I spent the day with one of my best friends, saw the amazing west coast sun setting on the water, had some great food, and met a great guy, who unfortunately I may have fallen in love with as quickly as I fell out of it. (Guy, if you are reading this, I’m kidding, you were never great. Kidding again, we’re grabbing a drink next week, right?)

Well. What am I thankful for this year you ask?

NOTHING. FUCK YOU THANKSGIVING, FUCK. YOU. 

Now you are thinking, “Why Chandra, why?”

Well to explain, we have to go back.

Cue flashbacky, dreamy music and visual effects

The year was 2009. Twilight was all the rage. I had finished all the books, watched the movie and loved vampires, maybe even more so then when I was in middle school and used to pretend I was Buffy, the Vampire Slayer and Angel had just snuck in my room late night.

The Twilight books made me team Jacob because they made Edward seem super possessive in a “non, sexy, I’m not going to murder you because I love you so much" kind of way. The movie, honestly made me for the first time, become enticed with the idea of having a threesome and thinking about it without having a single thought that didn’t make me gag.

Vampires had become all the rage. Then the CW Network started running previews for The Vampire Diaries ... "Ah another crappy vampire knock off of the Twilight Saga. Prior to these previews, I had seen Paul Wesley guest star on some TV shows and thought he was chiseled into the form of a clean shaven, sexy, showering, short haired Jesus. So I had become intrigued. I tuned into the pilot, and was hooked. From the pilot I thought Stefan and Elena were destined to be together, it didn't take more than half a season to switch teams and become a Team Damon fan, and hope and pray and know that Elena and Damon belonged together. 

I waited and waited and was teased with moments of "omg, it's going to happen sooo soon" and "Come on Elena! Just let him penetrate you!" All the while still respecting the love that Elena and Stefan truly have/had. Then it happened. Season three...episode 19...26 minutes in...Florence and the Machine's "Never Letting Go" was playing.  Elena and Damon had the most passionate kiss I've ever seen or waited for on a primetime drama. Fast forward to the season finale, Elena had to make a choice between the two brothers and she didn't choose Damon. EGAD! Fast forward. Elena is a vampire now. 

HOWEVER

On tonight's episode, Stefan and Elena had a talk. She admitted she's drawn to Damon more now than she has ever been (I don't believe its because she's a vampire and it's due to her heightened senses and emotions, and she drank his blood, blah, blah. It's always fucking been there) Main point of this rant is that Stefan and Elena broke up. 

Now you are probably thinking "Why's this chick hating on Thanksgiving and wasting my time about a stupid primetime soap?"

Well first off, it's not stupid, YOU are stupid for continuing to read something that you have not been intrigued by since I told you I have a 401k.

Second...

It's like... FINALLLYYYY! I've waited three years for this moment. I'm an implusive, instant gratification type of person. I haven't waited three years for anything since I was 18* and waiting to finally buy alcohol myself, in plain sight.

*writer's note: I had been waiting for that since 9th grade.

Now, you may still thinking "How is she correlating this to Thanksgiving?" Well here it is.

Tonight's episode ended with the Stefan/Elena break up. Then there was the promo for the next episode. Oh the next episode?  IT DOESN'T AIR UNTIL NOVEMBER 29TH, NOVEMBER FUCKING TWENTY FUCKING NINTH. 

That's TWO weeks. And why is it two weeks? BECAUSE OF THANKS-FUCKING-GIVING. And now that I think about it, tonight's episode is the last new Vampire Diaries  episode I will ever watch as a 27 year old. And why is that you ask? BECAUSE OF THANKS-FUCKING-GIVING.

I was 25 when I first knew Damon and Elena were written in the vampire stars, 25. Do you know what that means? I was young, I had the world at my fingertips, I could finally rent a car without my work ID. I could say I was in my mid-twenties. I could still convince people Twitter was the place to be (that's a lost cause now...now if you don't have Twitter, you don't have me)

Now I'm right around the corner from 28 and have to start thinking about freezing my eggs because I don't have a boyfriend or know any guy I'd be willing to spend the rest of my life with. I'm right around the corner from people saying "Ohhhh 28? Sooo close to 30, girl." I'm also right around the corner to saying "Fuck my twenties, my thirties are going to be so much better." 

FUCK. YOU. THANKSGIVING.

I'd rather get smallpox than see you next week. I will eat your turkey though.