So here I am today to list some of the funny females in my life right now. Some are more well known than others, but each of them need to be even better known. Why is this list composed of only girls you ask? Well maybe it’s because I’m jealous that they are so funny and I want to be a funny comedian girl like they all are, whether it be on the internet, TV, or standup. The problem with that is a lot of funny people draw from insecurities or dark pasts. I unfortunately don’t have a dark past or any insecurity. Like, I don't know what could I possibly use. Something stupid like me being the only black girl going to a Jewish Nursery school or my birth mother giving me up and choosing drugs over me? Or being adopted by my Dutch grandmother, who repeatedly reminds me she hopes that I marry a white guy? Or maybe I could use something like my father dying when I was six? Or my deep seeded trust and abandonment issues? Or my incontrollable need to be liked by everyone? See? I've got nothing. I wouldn’t have anything to pull from with those everyday normal life events, so I look up to them and live through each of these chicks vicariously, for now.
The following are people that you should be putting your ear to the ground for and actively watching, listening and reading about.
Jen KirkmanI am obsessed with this woman right now. Her two albums have been on continuous loop for probably the past four weeks. She calls people out on Twitter who are idiots, better yet, sometimes she even blocks them. She also started a huge commotion on Grammy Night by tweeting that if Dave Grohl had actually been in Nirvana, he’d be super old, so there is no way. The best part wasn’t even her initial tweet, it was the people who were replying, and not realizing it was a joke. The second best part was that it continued on throughout the night. I saw her at the bar at the Improv this past weekend after Sarah Colonna’s (another great comedian) show and there she was. I almost peed myself. I had to take some shots to get the nerve to walk up to her. But by the time I was six deep, she had left. She is definitely at the top of my list right now, I’m actually trying to follow her twice on Twitter, but it’s not allowing me.
Listen to: her imitation of her mother’s Boston accent.
Track to listen to: ‘Fear of Flying’ - if you listen to this you will know how they treated people who rushed the cabin on takeoff prior to 9/11
Bonus track to listen to: 'Teenagers Are Dumb' - Jen tells the story about getting invited to a the 'popular' girl's costume party sleepover in 6th grade. She came dressed as Groucho Marx, mustache and all. Throughout the five and a half minute track you listen, and to yourself you are repeatedly going "oh God Jen, oh no Jen." As you catch yourself doing it, you have Jen repeatedly telling you "No! No! I still don't know what's happening." "No! I don't know what's going on yet."
Quotable Jen: (on what'd she be like if she were on Flight 93) “some guy is like ‘let’s roll’ and I’m like I’m not rolling, I’m going to sit here and obsess about how I shouldn’t have gotten on this plane. I’m not rolling”
(on why she doesn’t want kids) “I didn’t ask to be born, and now I’m afraid to die, so that’s the shit I live with everyday. I’m not going to do that to someone else.”
Whitney CummingsAll of you should know her by know, if you don’t get out of the cave, Y2K didn’t happen. She’s got two shows she’s created presently airing on two different networks. We’ve got ‘Whitney’ on NBC and ‘2 Broke Girls’ on CBS. I watch and enjoy both thoroughly. I think ‘Whitney’ gets the most slack for not being funny. Maybe I’m biased because I enjoyed both Whitney’s and co-star Chris D’Elia’s standup long before this show came to fruition but their chemistry is undeniable and makes the show that much more hilarious. There are certain scenes that it seems like Whitney, is almost breaking character and trying to stifle her laughter towards Chris, not Alex.
Episodes to Watch: ‘Getting to Know You’ - Whitney shows off her sweet basketball skills (literally) and ‘Clarence’ - Whitney and Alex adopt a very elderly dog.
Quotable sayings: from her ‘Money Shot’ album: “dead eyes” and "Oh why??!! Is that where JULIE works?!"
What to listen to: "Fantasy Land" and find out why her brand new car exploded into a “ball of fire”
Chelsea PerettiChelesa is now a writer on the awesomeness that is 'Parks & Recreation.' She had a Comedy Central special a little while back, which is when I had first heard of/watched her, I then Googled her of course, to see if she had a Twitter or a personal Facebook page where we could become instant friends. I then discovered “Making Friends with Chelsea Peretti.” About 30 seconds into the video you find out why she is making it. “Hey, my name is Chelsea Peretti. Ninety percent of my friends died in a van accident earlier this week, so I'm off to make some new friends…” She goes through the streets of NY (mainly NYU) and interviews people for potential friend spots.
What to look for: At the end of part 1 watch how Chelsea reacts to a random person walking through her shot. It was anger with a dash of shock, actually more shock with a dash of anger.
After I saw that, I immediately knew that if we ever met, we’d automatically be best friends, because just like her, I can hang out every single day of the week, but Wednesdays. (Don't understand? Watch the video).
What to listen to: Her Comedy Central Special; she recorded a guy she was having intimate fun time with and I am so glad she decided to share that recording with the world because it is hilarious.
Quotable Chelsea: "Ughhh, life is just...one day after the other." "I'm somewhat disappointing, but I have a good heart."
Chelsea Makes Friends Part 1
Chelsea Makes Friends Part 2
More Than Honorable Mentions
A hellogiggles.com regular. For those who don't regularly stalk the site daily, you may remember her as 'Heather' the girl who was mean to Marissa Cooper when we finally started to like her in the our beloved primetime soap 'The OC.'
Her portrayal of Ryan Gosling's girlfriend, is a true to life insight as to how every girl's relationship with him would be.
"Did you just turn the radio up on me? Did you just turn the radio up on me?"
"I don't think my Dad would be very happy to hear about this. Should we call him? Together? On speaker?"
This chick is comedic gold as Penny Hartz on the still underrated 'Happy Endings' on ABC. Before she came into our homes every Wednesday night, she was a hoot making videos at Funnyordie.com. One of my favorites is where she humors her internet haters.
Lol (visual) quotes:
"Ah morning in LA. This is my palace. First thing I do is step out to my pool. You heard me, my pool."
"Casey Wilson overacts by a MILLION. When she comes on screen I'm like, ugh stop overacting."
Definitely check this here: Casey Wilson Reads Internet Comments
'Happy Endings' episodes to catch: "Mein Coming Out" and "Of Mice & Jazz-Kwon-Do"
I don't even know how to begin to describe this woman. If you are in limbo on whether or not to join Twitter, just sign up and follow only her (and me of course) and laugh throughout her tweets about her love for Chris Brown, Kim Kardashian and her stepchildren. Believe, if you are on Twitter now and not following her, go follow her. If you think Twitter is stupid, Jenny Johnson thinks you are stupid, go sign up right now and follow her, she'll probably tell you.
Seriously. Following her will change your life. Do it now: Follow this Chick...NOW