Kill Them With Kindness: How I Turned an Internet Bully Into My Best Friend

The internet. The bloody brilliant internet.  It is a genius way to make friends with complete strangers, some who are completely cooler than everyone in your entire social circle since kindergarten. Recently I have found out that true friendships really can happen on this information super highway. Four days ago I received an email from YouTube that someone named ‘chickenwingsaregood’ commented on one of my videos. I think he (I’m assuming it’s a black guy, I don’t know why) was so mesmerized and in such an emotional overload, that he would type exactly what came to his mind and then 20 seconds later realize he forgot to include something.   From the time I read his very first comment we began, what I can only describe as a dream friendship. I feel like he gets me and I get him right back. I have to thank the internet for documenting the beginning of this life long lasting friendship. Lucky for all of you the internet documents every little thing that gets written on to it.  To prove that online friendships work I'm about to show you the beginning of a beautiful bestie relationship.
 
These first four comments came in rapid succession, literally each one was posted a minute apart, kind of like a contraction when a woman is in labor.


gay.

chickenwingsaregoood 4 days ago
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you look like a man in drag

chickenwingsaregoood 4 days ago
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and boobs

chickenwingsaregoood 4 days ago
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still gay

chickenwingsaregoood 4 days ago
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I was so excited, my first fan who wasn’t one of my friends or my mother...so with a smile on my face, I immediately wrote back:



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 @chickenwingsaregoood you're sweet. thank you.
ChaInLA 4 days ago
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After that I didn’t hear from him in two days, I thought maybe he was so excited that someone of my stature replied to him and he was probably showing his friend (that’s right just one).  Imagine my excitement when I woke up two days later with an email notification that c-dubs had replied. This is what he wrote:


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@ChaInLA shut it hoe

chickenwingsaregoood 2 days ago
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@ChaInLA play guitar dont sing

chickenwingsaregoood 2 days ago
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I was taken aback by his accusation and was extremely curious as to where he got this insider info about my personal life…so of course I had to ask him about it. I wanted to know who in my inner circle is sharing things to the public that should not be shared. I also couldn’t shake the feeling that I had done something to wrong chickenwings so I included a blanket, almost form like apology.


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@chickenwingsaregoood who told you I was a hoe? Was it Danny? Greg? Luke? Who?

I want to say I'm sorry for clearly ruining your entire life with this 3 minute video. Deepest apologies.

ChaInLA 1 day ago
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Sometimes it is really hard to get a vibe on my new internet friend. I feel like, for every compliment he gives me, he shoots me down with a negative statement, just like a girl in a mentally abusive relationship.  Here is an example.


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@ChaInLA i dont know what the fuck your on about all i know is your singing is shit and you have a sandwich making ability. snm

ps. it was greg and tony, they said you have fish lips and a greasy kfc bucket..... hoe

chickenwingsaregoood 1 day ago
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See what I mean? chicken doesn’t know “what the fuck I’m on and/or what the fuck I’m about” but then he gives me these sweet compliments about how I make great sandwiches and about my fish lips. He wrote “snm” which I had never seen or heard before, so I had to Google it. It stands for “say no more.” chickenwings is a clever one; he stumped me, so to continue our friendly friendship banter I thought it would only be fair to use a word that would stump chick-dub. Here was my response:


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@chickenwingsaregoood your descriptions of me are impeccable....impeccable.

ChaInLA 4 hours ago
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Can you guess which word he didn’t know? I’ll give you a hint, it wasn’t the words your, descriptions, of, me, are. Still stumped? Scroll down.


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@ChaInLA i dont know what impeccable means but you are a greasy hoe... allow it. if you wanna be a jew just be one and dont disgrace people ears with this shite. <3

chickenwingsaregoood 28 minutes ago
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So from this response I drew a couple of conclusions

1 – he really likes greasy hoes

2 – I think he has epilepsy. Epileptic seizures are the only explanation for the many typos and spelling errors.

I’ll tell you what, he does give some great advice. He was basically like “Hey! Chandra if you want to be a Jew, go ahead and do it! Live your life the way you want!” And then he added that heart at the end, and I knew, I just knew so I replied back:

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@chickenwingsaregoood Did we just become best friends? I think we did. Do you live in the LA area? Do you want to grab a drink sometime?

ChaInLA 1 second ago
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He hasn’t gotten back to be yet, but I know he will. I just hope I don’t disappoint him by not being a hoe, nor greasy. Also my lips aren’t really fishy looking, actually they are pretty small for someone of my ethnicity.  I think the biggest letdown for him that will come from our real life meet up is that I know I can’t sing, that’s why it’s not under a music category and I’m not outside of Capitol Records handing out my demo.  He is probably thinking that he is just trying to keep it real and let his new bestie know she is tone deaf, but she knows already, she knows.

Anyway chickenwingsaregood if you are reading this, which I think you are because I think you are stalking me, I can’t wait to meet you in person, and if you aren’t in the LA area, maybe we can skype.

P.S.  CWAG - if you are indeed reading this, please send me your address I would love to send you a signed copy of the book “Apostrophes, Spelling, Grammar and Me.”

stayed tuned for more.