The Amy Battles: Please Pass the Cocaine.

My dear friend Amy proposed a ‘cocaine blog battle’ where we both write a post about cocaine and have you guys vote which one you liked best. I said, “…you're going to win, you were a cokehead, the only thing I ever snorted was a blood clot back into my throat.” 

Here we go, wish me luck.

One of my biggest regrets in life is never trying cocaine. One of the things I’m proudest about in my life is never trying cocaine.

I love contradiction, I’m full of it.

I’ve been offered cocaine a few times in my life. Each time that I declined, I felt like the next day there should’ve been some kind of parade. Calm down guys,  I wasn’t asking for one as big as the Rose Parade, but maybe something like a Puerto Rican Day parade.

I think about trying cocaine often and every time I make a list the pros and cons.

The Pros

-I think people look really cool when they sniff and do that quick thumb/pointer finger swipe of the nose.

-I’m a nocturnal person, which isn’t ideal. Cocaine would help me through the day. Snorting a couple lines seems a lot healthier than drinking three coffees a day.

-I REALLY want to lose the baby fat in my mid-section. Like SO BAD.

-I’m very prone to bloody noses; I get about two a month. They are kind of like periods, for my nose. So no one would become suspicious

The Cons

-My addictive personality, which doesn’t make it surprising that I’m addicted on the idea that it on a scale of 1 to 10, mine is an 11. I’m very well aware that if I become even a slight bit attracted towards something there’s a big chance it’ll turn into a super unhealthy obsession (re: alcohol).

This makes me fear trying coke, even just a pinch rubbed onto my teeth. I picture myself ending up as one of those women. You know the ones that live next to dumpsters and always smell of urine, even if it’s rained? They also have that cart full of bags, yet no one knows quite what is in them.

Oh, another con. I don’t like stuff going up my nose.

The pros clearly outweigh the cons, but the urine smell fear is really the only thing holding me back.

Vote for me because Amy’s a degenerate.